10 Things Asian Guys Should Not Say to Black Women

9.3.11 ShaSha LaPerf 18 Comments

This is actually from a blog I posted somewhere else a while ago, but I wanted to updated and post it here.

Over the past few years I have met men in bars, at meetups, on the internet, you get the idea. And with Asian men, I've noticed some of the same type of questions and comments coming up that I'm tired of dealing with. In many cases I let the comments slide, but sometimes I do get snarky. So I decided to write this blog about these comments. So here's a list of the 10 of the most annoying questions/comments I have gotten from Asian guys and what may be nicer to hear instead.

1. Are you into Asian guys/Why Do You Like Asian Guys?
Depending on the conversation I have been asked these questions. I think some guys use it as a way to flirt with a girl. Sometimes when you say "yes" to this the guy will ask "why?" The problem with this questions is that there's no "right" way to answer it. If a girl goes on about how hot she thinks Asian guys are, you may see her as a girl with an Asian fetish. If she says "because the men of my race suck!" she looks like a self-hating woman who was scorned. If she says "Well why shouldn't I like Asian guys?" she seems like a snarky bitch. In other words the question can just make a girl uncomfortable. On the flipside, asking can also make you look a bit insecure, especially if you follow up with stuff like "most black girls don't like Asian guys."

Maybe try: It's nice to meet women that steps outside the box.

Or don't mention it at all

2. I Don't Like Asian Girls Because They're (negative comment)
As a woman I'm not interested in hearing you down other woman even if they aren't my race. When you constantly down women it makes you sound damn bitter and that means me giving you an awkward lie about having to go to the bathroom and climbing out the window. Don't assume that because a woman isn't Asian she will enjoy listening to you down them.

Maybe try: I like to step outside the box a bit.

3. Can I touch your hair?
Don't touch a black woman's hair without permission. EVER. So it's great that you asked before putting your hands my hair. But why the heck would you ask that question anyway!? I'm not a fuckin freak show! Do you go around asking other people to touch their hair (unless well you're the freak...then I need to run...FAST)? Maybe if this question comes up after I've know you for a while (well if you've known me for a while you'd know I don't like people touching my hair) I wouldn't be so annoyed. But I've met dudes that seem fascinated at first sight of the afro and think it's okay say, "Hi! My name is ... Can I ruin the hairstyle you woke up early to put together with my nasty hands?" If anything my scalp just might attack you.

Maybe try: You hair really looks nice today. I love that hairstyle on you.

NOTE - touching my hair during a hot sex session is permissible just don't pull at it.

4. You're different from other black girls I've met.
This is usually accompanied with some stereotypes of black women or black people in general. The stereotypes include but are not limited to the following phrases: "fat" "ghetto" "weave" "poor" "little education" "children." And apparently these men have found this in EVERY black women that met (which is usually not more than 2-3 people...the other times it's from TV or stuff they "heard from friends or friends"). Are there black women out there like that? Of course! Do I think it's a compliment that you are saying the I'm so awesome because I'm not like "those" women? Hell no. But why you ask? Simple. You already had assumptions about me because of my race.

Maybe try: I'm glad a met a woman as amazing as you.

5. You're black! How can you not like (enter black related thing here)!?
No. Just No. Similar to the "I'm not the typical Asian guy" line and "You're not like black girls I know" line, this one will be based off stereotypes and can turn a girl off. Just like how you don't want her assuming you're a Mandarin pop music fan, don't get shocked an appalled if she doesn't like to eat fried chicken or watermelon and prefers to watch Nightmare on Elm Street over a Madea's Black Family Drama that Ends When Everyone Goes to Church. Sure, you can enjoy those things, just don't expect every black woman to.

Maybe try: I like...but you do your thing.

6. Why do you like (enter Asian related things here) so much!? That stuff is crap!
As I've mentioned before on here I am a fan of Japanese (and some Korean) pop culture. I was into this stuff long before I was interested in Asian men. I'm not ashamed of what I like. BUT I also know that just because I'm interested in it doesn't mean that you are too. I'm not expecting you do be a fan of Chemistry or to watch anime or Old Boy. I won't pull you into anything unless I see you have a clear interest in it. So please don't rag on me because I don't like these things.

Maybe try: I'm not a fan of...but do your thing.

7. I know I have a small dick but (begging and pleading for me to sleep with you)
Yes. Asian men actually have said this to me before (well not as crudely as I said it). This is just a show of your insecurities and frankly I don't want to deal with an insecure man. I think this goes back to assumptions of the "Big Black Mandingo and his huge cock" and the assumption that black women will have little respect for men of other races because of their size. Although there has been research that yes sometimes size can matter (on both men and women) the most important thing is how well you use what you got...and this applies to men of any size! If you're making my eyes roll into the back of my head then clearly I'm not thinking about your size.

Maybe try: I'll have you saying my name in four different Asian languages.

Okay, don't say that. It's just not cute. Okay, actually I might laugh at it.
Maybe try: LOL okay I couldn't think of anything better to say. Just don't go on and on about your damn dick size.

8. You're so tall!
Where I live I run into quite a few women that are "Above average" when it comes to height. And I'm sure it bugs them hell outta them when people say this. Why? Because we already know we're tall and don't need to be reminded thanks. No I don't hate being tall...but I hate when people point out the obvious. And please don't think that tall black girls are only good for sports, so try to avoid following up "tall" comments with you gushing about how much you love basketball. When Asian guys have said this it's sometimes accompanied with a discussion on Asian men being short. If the Asian guy is my height, he'll point out that he's just tall for an Asian. I guess tall Asian guys aren't that big of a deal to me since I have come across quite a few that are on the tall side. So hearing this just sounds strange to me.

Maybe try: Great legs!

9. I'm not the typical Asian guy.
Actually I hate when any guy gives the "I'm not the typical (insert race here) guy" line. I have heard men use this phrase almost like a badge or pride or honor. Why? Well first what is the typical Asian guy? It seems to me that there are many different type of Asian men. What makes them ALL typical? Eating rice? Using mass amounts of hair gel? Speaking broken English? Is this the idea of the typical Asian guy? And does this "typical" apply to Asian-American men as well? What is wrong with the typical Asian guy? I'm sure that guy isn't taking "typical" as deeply as I am though. But I'm also a person that rolls her eyes when she hears black anime fans talking about how their not "typical" blacks because they like anime.

Maybe try: I'm a guy that follows my own mind and/heart.

NOTE: okay that does sound a bit lame too, but you get the idea.

10. I'm Such an Asian That I (neagtive comment)/We Asians Are (negative comment)
This is the flipside of "I'm Not the Typical Asian Guy" line but similar to the hating on Asian women line. I once met a guy that started most of his sentence with "You know us Asians we..." I think there's a different between explaining what can be a cultural difference due to your race/ethnicity vs. being self-deprecating to the point where it makes me question your own feelings about being Asian. I'm sure there are a lot of woman that are interested in Asians and Asian culture and want to hear what you have to say. And a joke about your Asian-ness every now and then isn't so bad either. But no one wants to be around someone that feels the need to diss themselves and there ethnicity/race constantly.

Maybe try: I do (enter Asian-related thing) because it's a part of who I am.

Note: Okay that one was lame too. Ugh I'm running out of smart conversation topics! But again you get the idea.

So moral of the story here is be positive, confident, and avoid backhanded comments! If will help your game for the ladies!


  1. Nice list! Glad to have you amongst the Kinfolk!

  2. "that means me giving you an awkward lie about having to go to the bathroom and climbing out the window"


    What is the meetup thing you are talking about?

  3. @ Ankhesen Mié: Thanks! Woohoo adding to the growing list!

    @ modest-goddess: Meetup.com has different groups for people to do whatever. Long story short, I met a guy some years ago that owns an Asian group in DC so I go to some events like club nights and happy hours. The group is mostly Asian but other people are welcome too.

    1. thank you i found this helpful :D

  4. How the heck is #7 relevant to what asian guys should or should not say to a black woman?! You just perpetuated the stereo-type. Yah, thanks for that. And that's coming from the perspective of an asian man.

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. @ Anonymous: "How the heck is #7 relevant to what asian guys should or should not say to a black woman?! You just perpetuated the stereo-type. Yah, thanks for that. And that's coming from the perspective of an Asian man."

    Please re-read all No. #7 carefully. Again these are things Asian men have said directly to me on more than one occasion. And these things are a turn off for various reasons because they show their own ignorance and/or insecurity. And I don't know many black women (well ANY women for that matter) that would be attracted to men who display these things. There are a lot of Asian men who claim to not know how to talk to women, and this is a list of things they should consider keeping off their radar.

  7. @Anonymous #2: Woohoo my very first troll! Means I'm moving up in the world or people are really bored this Labor Day weekend. At any rate, I don't mind a debate, but I simply won't tolerate insults, plain and simple. I'm sure there are a lot of Asian men out there that aren't interested in dating black women and this blog isn't for them. I would certainly hope those guys would have better things do than to troll on a blog that isn't about them. As for the guys who are interested in black women, feel free to check out my blog anytime! :)

  8. I find some of your claims very ridiculous,especially #7. It doesn't really help when it' more of an insult by perpetuating the asian male stereotype. But I do find black women very attractive ;p

  9. Hey you are one rare individual that dated Asian men... Thank you.
    I live in L.A. and I have seen plenty of Black men with non black women and Asian women with non Asian men.

    Based on empiricism(constant- observation), these questions that they ask you is reasonable no?

    If you were in the position of Asian men, wouldn't you ask that kind of question esp. tall black woman like you are with Asian men?

    I firmly believe Asian men MUST unite with Black women, because realistically, we are the leftovers of interracial dating sadly.
    So I asked this good looking black woman at my height. Guess what she was surprised and looked at me funny, and said no.. for drinking coffee with me..
    Bottom line is, Asian men are physically unattractive generally, and physical stereotypes are usually true, just exception can happen.

    Unfortunately, in California, disparity is huge . If you go to beach area, all you see is asian women with white men..
    Being Asian men sucks sometimes.

    1. Guess I will enter the fray. Anon be proud of who you are as an individual. Don't view yourself as a leftover, and just go for it. Somebody will be attracted to you, and enjoy your company. Relax, and keep asking women who you feel interested in out. Asian men are not all unattractive, or stereotypes. A lot of women are probably checking you out, but I bet you haven't noticed them yet. Just think for every one man there are three women, so the odds are in your favor. Go for it.

  10. @Nov. 15....
    Jeez, dude. You need a hug and some time to reflect on what you posted here. SMDH.

  11. @ Anonymous (Nov 15): There is much more to people than their race. It is true that in the dating world, appearance really matters to get a person to open up to you. A good-looking person will be able to find a date easier, but if that person is shallow, they will have a difficult time establishing a serious relationship. For females, looking good is the easy part. Luckily, for us guys, we have alternative methods for wooing potential mates, like writing, performing stunts, creating things, etc. Many girls will fall for a guy who can do something interesting faster than a guy with an interesting look.

    And let's be honest, ethnic background has a lot to do with appearance, but little to do with attractiveness. There is not a single ethnicity that is any better-looking than any other. Culture can affect attitude, though, and attitude is linked to libido. Some individuals may fear a certain culture, others may find a certain culture fascinating, still others might have an outright fetish for a certain culture. Keeping an open mind about all cultures will get you the furthest in life.

    Dating a person of a certain ethnicity does not present any challenges outside of what various cultures make of it. Actually, from a genetic standpoint, choosing a mate from a non-adjacent gene pool offers the greatest chance of creating superior progeny. There are no guarantees, of course, but we developed into different ethnicities by passing on the best traits for each environment.

    Of course, if you want to limit yourself within your own race and culture, you may find someone who is more easily compatible.

    Basically, what I'm trying to say is that there is no reason not to date outside of your own ethnic background, but there is also no reason to not date within your own ethnic background. Love is interesting, in that it doesn't care about skin color, one way or the other.

  12. I thought that all of your points are dead on. I have never dated Asian, but I would definitely be turned off by a man who downed the women in his ethnic group. I have only ever heard Asian men speak highly of them so that's a plus.

    Frankly, I would just like to date a man, not a race so many of the stereotypes don't phase me. I especially don't get the little penis thing. I understand it's a stereotype but even if it was true, if I loved a guy why would I care?


  13. But in most Asian, or at least Oriental, countries, put-downs and belittling things close to you (especially yourself, your strength, or your family,) is very, very common. It's not just common- it's polite and a necessary courtesy. You seem to have a fairly big problem with Asian men saying unkind things about Asian women, or Asia itself (since you mentioned this in several points), but this may just because of culture clash rather than anything else. They probably just think they're being polite, complimenting you and your culture by belittling themselves and their culture (because that's a really common way to compliment someone, at least where I came from). It's the culture and environment we are raised in, and if you just absolutely can't stand it, you should probably stick to second or (better) third generation immigrants. By the way, I'm an Asian woman. Not a man, if that matters.

    1. I just learned something new today. Thanks for posting this.

  14. 2nd & 3rd generation & you still consider them immigrants? Stop perpetuating the stereotype of Asians as perpetual foreigners. 2nd generation & up are as American as any native-born white or black person.

  15. I love having my hair pulled during a torrid session but that's probably because I dont wear a weave.