A Tall Order: Dating Asian Guys When You're Above Average Height

6.4.11 ShaSha LaPerf 13 Comments

NAOKI from the R&B/Dance Groups EXILE
and J Soul Brothers. He's 187 cm.
Sometime ago I came across a conversation on a message board about black women dating Asian men. One woman said she wasn't into them because of her height. She felt she was "too tall" to date those "short" Asian guys. I raised an eyebrow at this. To some extent I could understand where she was coming from. As a woman who's almost six feet tall I've had my share of men turn me down because of my height. Hell some of those guys were much taller than me telling me they wanted a girl who was 5'3." But on the other hand, height hasn't stopped me from getting the guys I wanted regardless of them race. But I can't say I always felt this way.

Height is one of those shallow things that a lot of people think about when it comes to dating including myself. When I was in high school I told myself I would only date guys that were at least six feet tall. But after being ignored or shunned by man after man due to my height--I actually had men taller than me telling me I was too tall for them--my self-awareness at how shallow I was being came back at me. So I opened my mind a bit more and decided to go out with guys that didn't meet my height preference.

When I decided to go to Japan I was nervous about how I would be treated. Not only was I a black American female, I was a TALL black American female. I'm considered well above average height in the states, so would be seen as a giant in a country where average height for a woman is 5'1"? I worried about buying clothes and shoes to fit my size 11 feet. I worried about doorways and if my students (all children) would run away screaming at the tall foreign woman who claimed to be their teacher. And of course I wondered how this would affect dating. Japan is a country where being "small" and "cute" is ideal. How would men react to tall ole me?

These fears soon when away the moment I set foot in Japan. Because in Japan I was going to stand out simply because I was a black woman. So what was the point of worrying about how tall I was? With this thought in my head, I found myself more confident in my height. And it didn't seem to deter men at all. LOL I think they were more fascinated about me being black or me being American to pay attention to my height. And as a result I ended up dating guys that were as short as 5'3" up to about 6'5." I'm sure me and the guys were getting stares while we were out on the town but hell people were staring at me when I was alone. so I got over it pretty quickly. I didn't feel uncomfortable with shorter guys because I was with them because I enjoyed being them. And I was finally comfortable enough with myself to realize that height is really only a big deal if you make it out to be.

Then I returned to the US. I was back on my own turf, were my race and nationally weren't considered to be all that "special." On top of that I was mostly interested in Asian guys at this time and living in an area with different types of Asians and Asian-Americans. Would I again be pushed aside by men here because I wasn't the 5'6" cutie walking down the street? My self-esteem was shooting down before I even set foot back in the states. But I knew thinking this way certainly wouldn't help me at all. So I told myself to grow a pair and regain some confidence. I remembered I was a pretty hot woman and I needed to own my height and not let it own me.

And what do ya know, height was a non-issue again. Maybe because I'm living in an area where there are a whole lot of tall ass women but men regardless of race didn't seem to care so much about my height.  When I was younger I was too self-conscious about myself and when I went to Japan that I gained confidence. LOL of course you don't have to go to Japan to get some self-esteem but sometimes you have to just not worry about what other people think of you. I can't say this is the sole reason for why men approached me, but I do feel that things went up when I saw myself more in a positive light.

When I decided to date more Asian guys in the US, I did get one or two who were all "no thanks, I prefer shorter girls," but there so many other guys who didn't give a flying fuck that I was their height or a whole head taller than them. So I cared little about their height as well. Sure there were good times and bad times when I went out with guys but really you can get that with anyone. Height has very little do with it. Shen isn't as tall as I am, but he certainly has no problem with it.

So yes ladies, even you tall ones can date Asian guys. Stop worrying about height and just go out there and get them!


  1. I admit, I'm into height. I'm 5'5,but I prefer men that are taller than me.Though it's my preference,I've learned that it's all about the heart and nobody knows what direction it will go.

    If people just think that Asian men are short, they really need to take a look at men these days.In general, men are just short! American, ,European, Latino..they are shorter than what they were in the past.On the flip side, women seems to outgrow them.

    Some Asian men are tall. I'm beginning to see more of them like that. I've came across several Asian men who were from 5'11-6'5".Any Asian man can be tall,but the ones that seems that the Japanese, Indian ,Chinese and Turkish men are the tallest of them all. Some of my friends said if they dated Asian men they would prefer these guys.

  2. Actually I think the younger generations are definitely getting taller, but when it comes to Asian men I have to say media (as usual) may take some of the blame. In American media though we rarely see taller Asian men which I think somewhat drives the idea of "there ain't no tall Azn dudes!" Not to mention the lack of Asian male models in our magazines and newspapers. And there are shorter Asian guys all over the country but I think some people are simply so desensitized they probably pay little attention to the taller Asian guy standing right next to them.

  3. Thanks for your writing. I am looking forward seeing the next article from you. :)

  4. I'm 6 foot and have the same problem that you had and have low self confidence but your article is making think twice thanks and i also like Asian dudz so i will go out there with new hope.

  5. I'm 6 foot and have the same problem that you had and have low self confidence but your article is making think twice thanks and i also like Asian dudz so i will go out there with new hope.

  6. we had some of the same concerns and i hated wearing high heels too. because i felt too talk already, but i became gradually more confidant and my heels gradually got higher, even if I'm already tall i don't think it matter too much. there are some guys here in japan taller than i am even with the heels on, and shorter guys still hit on me as well. at least without heels I'm not too much taller than everyone else. I remember years ago feeling too tall. especially in the countryside but now I'm more confident. i haven't been back to america yet but have a plan to go this summer, and i will wear heels and have more confidence i think! sometimes it better to leave home turf to gain confidence and sexiness than staying there. my fashion has changed a bit as well.

  7. This is the reason why women control the relationship and as a consequence they lose attraction for that man. She wants a leader, a man, who knows what he wants and ask what he wants.

  8. Thank you so much for this! I definitely need some help in the confidence department. I'm tall and I love Asian guys, but I'm so scared all they'll see is me...the AMAZON! I think I need to go to Japan ;)

  9. At this moment I'm dating and was engaged to him but i am 5'10 and he is about 5'5 I feel awkward when we r in public black guys laugh and smerk at us... i am a black and white hot goddess... And they see him as a short asain man.. we have a beautiful son together.. but the feelings of uncomfort in pubic won't stop... Idk what to do its making our love fall apart help!

  10. Funny cause I'm such a midget. Even afro-latinos aren't bless with height. I'm only 5'2 and half and most guys I've dated are about 6'foot. I dated one guy,another latino,who was only 5'5 and another 5'7. It felt kinda odd cause I'm so use to much taller men. But I would say I prefer them verse a more average to shorter guy.

    Its also with body size. I'm no skinny girl and despite me losing some weight. I notice I will have a curve but solid built. I'm not meant to be a size 0. But I attract skinny boys like crazy. I've dated one chubby guy.
    I've always attracted average size guys in height and weight to very tall slender built.

    Personally like a give to be a little thick but not have a solid six pack. The average joe can be a sexy mother fucker cause he accepts who he is as a person. So I guess truest form of attraction is confidence.

  11. I am currently with the first close to my height guy in my life. I have a preference, but it was also installed by the comments and behavior i would get from men. A lot of Napoleon complex. Constant remarks of my height. So now height is a preference not a disadvantage. My current has def shown me that guys 5'8 -5'10 can hang in there with the best of the tall boys.

  12. Hi am 6 feet and11 inches I have dateing a girl that was 5 feet and 4 inches

  13. 5`6 is okay with japanese/Asian men??? Im asian and 5`6 and I read blogs saying that asian men prefer 5`3