9 Responses to Complaints from Black Women Over Asian Men

9.5.11 ShaSha LaPerf 10 Comments

I'm doing some very lazy posting today. This is something I actually wrote last year and it seemed to get quite a response. So I figured I might as well post it on my blog as well.

Initially started out as a response to an article written by JT Tran, aka, the Asian Playboy, about Asian men growing balls and asking out black women.I've encountered black women who seem to have the same issues when it comes to Asian men, but they don't put much thought into their reasons for the issues. I'm NOT blaming black women here, but I think we can also reflect on our decisions when it comes to dating. Trust me, I put myself in this same box too and even laugh at myself over it. So I have some advice for ladies based off the type of complaints I've seen over and over from black women, including me. I've done some editing from the time I first wrote this--hopefully I got all the typos this time.
1. "He Doesn't Like Black Girls!"
Nowadays we live in a world where the word "preference" is thrown around left and right. Some prefer tall girls, some prefer girls with big boobs. And some don't prefer black girls.While asking an Asian guy why he doesn't like black girls can lead to an interesting conversation it can also lead to a self-esteem blow and you spending too much time trying to debunk all the stereotypes that spit from his mouth. For some guys it's for more shallow reasons; and sometimes they will have downright racist reasons. FUCK THOSE GUYS! Why would you even bother with a man like that? Move on!

But there are the guys who have had little exposure to black women, thus they were out of the realm of dating. Those are the guys you can work with. If you approach him as "you" first and "black woman" second, it opens his mind not only to who you are, but also the idea that black women aren't the same or even elusive.

Also remember ladies for every Asian guy out there that isn't interested in black women, there's one that is. If Guy #2 isn't working out then look elsewhere.

2. "He Just Wants To Fuck Me!"
Many times I hear black women lamenting over the fact that some Asian guys just see them as sex objects. They're quick to point fingers at the media as it's common to see a half naked black ass in the latest hip-hop video. Now I won't dispute this because there is some truth here. But I have another theory. Ready for it? Asian men are...men. Men love to fuck. A lot of them don't care about race, they just care about how good your puntang is. And yes there are Asian guys like that. Now there is the Asian guy just looking to "experiment" with you because he's never been with a black woman before. Any guy that only thinks of you as an experiment deserves a nice big smile and a kick in the nuts. But men are men. When you meet horny little Jun and you're turned off by his sexual advances...then send him the way of you're horny girl friend. LOL or just tell Jun you're not interested or you'd like to get to know him a bit more before hitting the sheets. If he doesn't wanna hear it, move on!

3. "He's Not A REAL Asian Because He Doesn't Like Anime!"
Asian media may not be mainstream in the US but it's not difficult to find black girls that like anime, K-drama, Jpop, etc. Unfortunately, these girls will think this type of media is the best way to meet Asian men. And they get downright pissed because Tim Yang doesn't listen to Big Bang or Yoshitaka down the street isn't watching Hana Yori Dango. The ironic thing is these are the same girls that get offended if Yoshitaka asks her if she likes Kanye West. I'm a fan of Asian media myself so I'm not gonna say hide these things, BUT be careful about how you discuss these things with him. Running up and saying, "OMG I LOVE GOONG WHAT ABOUT YOU!" might turn him off. Maybe, "Yeah I like to watch a lot of stuff. I enjoy a good K-drama from time to time, but I also like..." And if you see he's interested in K-drama, keep the convo going. If he's like "What? K-drama? Eww?" then don't harp on it.

And remember: while Dragonball Z is a part of Japanese culture, it's part of POP culture. Just because he's not watching doesn't mean he doesn't know anything else about Japanese culture, especially if he is Japanese. Don't question who he is because he's not watching the latest HK flick. He might express ideas of his own cultures in ways that are over your head because the only thing you know is pop culture. I think it's good to ask people about aspects of their culture outside of the "cool" or "wacky" stuff just as long as you're not tactless asking "Why do Thai People Dance Like Chickens?" Because it just makes you sound stupid.

4. "He's not a REAL Asian because he's not right from Asia!"
So I guess you're not black because you're not from the Motherland right? Yes I have seen black women use the "I only like foreign Asian men line" and ignore Tom because he was born in NYC. Think about the reason of why you want the guy from Asia. Is it based off your own stereotypical views of men living in Asia? Well here's a reality check: there are many men in Asian that are just as obnoxious as guys here. Then you have to deal with issues of a stronger cultural barrier and even the idea of leaving your country to be with him. Are these things impossible to deal with? No. But America hasn't corrupted every Asian man that was born and raised here. If Tom was born and raised in NY tell him he's a got a sexy NY accent and ask him what he likes to do for fun. LOL he may be the Asian guy that like Dragonball Z.

5. "He's Not Like (Enter Name of K-Pop atar Here)!"
We live in a very shallow world so I won't even pretend that looks don't matter. However remember not to let your love for those nice defined abs of Kpop stars or the "beautiful" look of Gackt cloud your ideas of what Asian men looks like. Yes there are some very hot guys walking the streets. And there are also the guys that may not have the abs but have other great aspects. I'm a sucker for a man with dimples and a great smile. And I'm an ass girl...I work with what you got. ;P Tom from NY maybe an inch shorter than you but he makes you laugh, has a great smile, looks even cuter in his glasses, he's into you and c'mon...he likes anime! Date this guy!

6. "He's A Thugabee!"
"Thugbee" is a word I created while living in Japan. It means "thug wanabee." You know, the Asian guys sporting cornrow, listening to hip-hop, wearing Sean John, and wants to live in Harlem. (I'll blog about these guys later). Naturally he's looking for his black girlfriend trophy and he's set his eyes on you. Unfortunately this is the only idea of black culture he has and he's expecting you to teach him about it. So it's the flipside of you--anime loving, K-drama watching, gyaru style wearing black girl--approaching an Asian Guy.

This is a tricky one here and you can take several options. First, you're not a damn teacher, but remind him that black culture is more than the latest Lil Wayne video. Again this is where, "you" present yourself first, then "black woman." Let him know that black PEOPLE are not all alike and he needs to be interested in you for who you are, and not because of your skin color. It's great that he has an interest in "black culture" but if most of the conversations are how cool ebonics sounds then it probably won't work out. Now these guys can be pretty hot. Seriously I've seen some nice abs, faces, and asses on these guys. But how can you build a relationship with a guy that doesn't see you? Just use him as your fuck buddy and look elsewhere for an Asian guy that will see "you" and "black woman." Or skip the fuckbuddy part and just look for a new guy.

7. "He's not From Japan!"
Earlier I mentioned foreign men, but here I'm gonna be a bit more specific. I've met some black women that claim to love all kinds of Asian men, when they really just mean Chinese, Japanese, or Korean Men. Umm ladies...there tons of other hot ass Asian men out there. Here are a few examples:






LOL yes I know this contradicts my whole "Average Asian Guy" comments earlier since these guys are all models or actors. But the point is there's more to Asian men than just three countries. And they're as interesting, funny, smart, and outgoing as Chinese, Japanese, and Korean guys. So give them another look. Tom, our Dragonball Z loving guy who makes you laugh and smile despite the slight height difference is Vietnamese. Why are you not dating this man!?

8. "I Can't Find Asian Men Here"
Asians are like black folks: They're EVERYWHERE! Sometimes you just have to get a bit to meet them. There are the typical routes like going to Asian dance clubs, events, and happy hours, but don't do it too much because you'll look like a black chick desperately seeking some yellow man-tang. If a guy asks you why you're at the event, a shrug and saying "I like to do all kinds of things and meet all kinds of people" works better than "I'm looking for yellow man-tang...are you single and do you like Naruto?" You can find Asian men at other places like concerts, stores, other dance clubs, etc. Play a sport? Join a team. Try speed dating. Colleges have been guys as well. LOL I know Asian men are everywhere but I know it can be hard to find them at the right time. That's the beauty of the internet. I've already written about internet dating. It can be a pain sometimes but hey, it's just another avenue. Sometimes distance can be an issue. Tom is still in NY but you're living in California. If you truly feel Tom is the one, then I say go ahead with discussing plans to move or marriage...after careful consideration of course. But make sure you're both ready to make those changes. In the end you need to think about what's best for you and how you feel.

9. "He's not ASIAN!"
So Tom didn't work out. And you meet a gorgeous black man who's only got eyes for you and you have a lot in common. Date his ass! Sorry Asian guys you know I love y'all but I refuse to believe that any woman should sit around waiting for Mr. Asian Right. In the end Mr. Right might not be Asian, and that's not a crime.


  1. Thanks for the linkback, it's a really great article exploring this relatively unexplored area of interracial relationships.

    I encourage my students to approach black women once they've worked up to that level of experience and confidence. Some few have even gone off to tie the knot!

  2. A man is a man.

    I still carry this to heart. What you see in one race of men you will see in others.I've been attracted to all races of men since I can remember.As I got older, I've grown to understand what good relationships consist of and I will tell you it doesn't consist of the ones on some of those YT clips.

    If I find a man to be attractive, it's going to be about his aura .If women are attracted to Asian men and want to hook with them, I'm all for it, however they should want to be in these relationships for the right reasons.There some women who seem to want to be with them because they are Asian or the number one reason...Blasian children!

    Laughable as point 3 and many others are on here, you're not lying. OMG!I guess Asian men will hate me if I told them I'm not into anime. I mean..what does that have to do with them being Asian? As an African-American woman, I get irritated when some non-Blacks and even some of us Black folk, identify AA heritage with Hip-hop.If people like it, ok,but hip hop is music/lifestyle more than it is about historic culture. If I can get miffed about that issue, I could imagine how some Asian men feel when some non-Asian women identify their nationality/race through anime cartoons.I love Latina, South Indian( which I'm part of),Portuguese and some K/J dramas,but it doesn't make people an instant expert of who they are because of it.If anything, it would probably get these "experts" a stupid look from the natives.

    I will admit, at one point in my life, I did have a preference for the nationality of Asian men. Of course,like half of the world, I liked them if they were Japanese(or-American), Indian, Indonesian or Korean,but I know what really counts and it had nothing to do with the Rain revolution.With some of these women, I could be wrong,but it seems that with some of them, they suddenly like Asian men opposed to just having a natural thing for them.

  3. the "Man is a man" seems to be something that a lot of women forget. Well I have to say the same thing about men for that matter. I've raised eyebrows at Asian guys who claim to be clueless about how to talk to a black women. I'm like "LOL is it supposed to be different from when you talk to white or Asian women?" Sometimes people get sucked up in ideas of a particular race and forget that there are "real" people there.

    The thing in general about pop culture is initially that's how a lot of people simply learn about each other. So I don't get mad at an Asian guy that's asking me about hip-hop. I DO get mad when they keep trying to force it into the conversation though. And I'm sure Asian guys feel the same about anime. It's okay to have an interest in those things as well as an interest in black/asians, but it's another thing to continue to have expectations of people because of your own ideas of what they should like. I hope that makes sense. I've had a long day. :(

  4. I wonder how those models feel about having their photos posted underneath their ethnicity. Personally, I would be flattered if someone saw me as a prime example of a (fill in the blank), but I could see how that might feel a little weird.

    As for #1 - AMEN! If you approach someone as yourself, and not as a label, you'll be a lot more interesting, confident, and attractive! Would you rather read a book about a specific character or a book about policeman number four? Likewise, would you rather date a real person or a stand-in? Maybe I shouldn't ask that, because I'm sure there are more than a handful of people out there who care more about a person's status than who they are, but those people are boring, anyway, kind of like policeman number four.

  5. damn where all the black girls that like asians at? i go to a all black school and don't no black girls forreal be lookin towards and asians way. they say i'm cute and all but nothin serious as in a relationship ever occurs. i'm assuming the reason to this is the pressure in dating outside your race in a predominately black school. just tragic. i myself prefer black girls over even asian girls. weird right? but what can you say, a preference is a preference.

    1. Thats funny because i can never find asian guys to like me and im Blasian!!! i love asian men and i think this is because i was raised by my korean mother so i believe that we share the same values and possible common future goal. To me they are real respectable, more open minded, and more family oriented then the bothers that are attracted to me. All my life i have dated black men and have no success...they all want me to take care of them ( which i have no complaints in catering to my man) but they dont want to give be and be flat out selfish. So anonymous...im looking your way! lol

  6. Can't stand the experimental men. They fancy you, then when you don't sleep with them on the first night, they're like: My parents don't like it, so then why the fuck are you asking me out? I'm not some food you can just try out. Go back to Yoo Lee and ask her out again.

  7. I admit it! When I was in high school, I went hard to get the asian guy's attention. I even read books on how to date them but as a black woman was ALWAYS unsuccessful... and I never had a boyfriend in high school. But before I went to university, I read up on how to prepare for university and I would always skip over to the dating section ;) heheh and I realized well I'm not gonna get a man until my 30's anyways cause every guy I tried to pick up was NEVER interested in me :/ (In the book, they advised not to date in you freshman year and I laughed cause I thought I can definitely follow that.) But I ended up meeting someone in college wooo ooo and well he's not asian he's a blasian half black/ half asian. But you're right if he's a good man snatch em' out cause the dating world out there sucks!

  8. I seiously gave up on Asian men a lonnnnnng time ago, I learned my lessons well. Asian men are wayyyyyyyyyyyy too complicated and if they are traditionalists its even worse with complications and all kinds of headaches and mind games and just craziness. Too stressful and way too complicated for me...So now I'm happily married to an Irishman with no complications or any confusion. Less stress and no headaches...Goodluck to those who choose to be with Asian men, stock up on tylenols or advils because you are definitely going to need it.

  9. i want meet an Asian men! does anybody know any site?