Dating Asian Guys when You Have a Case of BT

27.5.11 ShaSha LaPerf 7 Comments

Ladies, some of us have a condition known as “BT.” It’s a very real condition that can affect who you are, what you become, and how people see you. I’m talking about “Black tendencies.”
Some symptoms include:

  • Watching BET, Centric, or TV One…and liking it
  • Having the ability to do the Cupid Shuffle, Chacha Slide and the Electric Slide (no or…you gotta know how to do all three)
  • Calling people out on their racist bullshit  
  • Using slang, AAVE (aka ebonics), and/or a regional dialect that doesn’t sound as “pretty” as the alleged America English standard 
  • Raising your voice at a level slightly above others

So the stuff I listed above is clearly things that are stereotypical done and/or enjoyed by black people. I guess some people use the phrase “acting black,” but I prefer “black tendencies.” I decided to touch on this because in the world of interracial dating, there seems to be an assumption that having a case of BT will result in a girl being left behind while her BT-free friends get White guy after Asian guy after Latin guy. I have heard an Asian guy or two say he's not interested in black women because they're "ghetto" and what not. I watched one Youtube video by a black man claiming black women are too “black” to date Asian guys. A lot of Asian dating message boards have at least one thread in which black women are talking about who they don’t have any BT. And even with me, people assume that my BF is black because I have BT and are shocked when they find out he’s Chinese. 

Because I encounter so many more women that claim to be against type I started wondering if indeed I'm the rare black girl out there with BT that dates Asian men. Then I got over myself. I'm not that special and I bet there are more girls out there with BT then I probably think. They just seem to be a bit more in hiding, maybe because they fear being vilified for it. So I wanted to focus this post on those women that probably do have BT but feel it can get in the way of getting the attention of an Asian guy. Well...it doesn't.

Before I get into it, I just wanna state that having some BT does not make you "ghetto." This needs to be said first and foremost.  Do I think there are ghetto black people? Hell yeah. But there needs to be a bit of clarity of what that means. Listening to hip-hop does not make you ghetto or ignorant. Listening to a bootleg hip-hop CD? Well that slips into the ghetto territory. Wearing a weave or eating soul food does not make you ghetto. Now wearing a weave that you bought from a guy that show it from a hair supply store. That shit makes you ghetto. Forgetting to use an "indoor" voice sometimes doesn't make you ghetto. Never having an indoor voice makes you ghetto. I'm being a bit cheeky here, but you get the point. Make sure you just have BT and you're not being ghetto. Now moving on:


Your environment will probably have a greater affect on your meeting Asian men then you having BT.
When I was in Japan, I went to a lot of hip-hop clubs, wearing my sneakers, and shaking my ass. Guess who wanted to talk to me? Why the thugabees of course! Some of them were cute and I gladly struck up a conversation/dated one or two (haha okay, okay, not all thugabees are bad guys). But the key thing here is the environment. A hip-hop club filled with people that have an interest in black culture. And you’re a black girl! BINGO! But try a different environment. I was once invited to an Asian professionals happy hour and was one of the few black women there. I met a cute Korean foreign exchange student with K-pop boy band hair, and a tall Chinese-American who asked me on a date. I participated in speed dating once and the only Asian guy in the place chose me as his match. LOL don’t worry y’all of this was before Shen. Anyway, these were totally different environments from going to a hip-hop club and as a result the idea of me being a “loud/ghetto/rude/too black” girl probably seemed a bit unlikely. I probably mentioned what music I liked since I tend to use that as a standard getting to you know question, but I don’t remember doing anything to prove or disprove that I had BT. Did those guys see me as a sexy, exotic black girl? Maybe. Men are men after all. :P But I don't remember either guy asking me stuff related to my 10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Black Women List so them striking up a convo with me was probably more that I was standing there, feeling confident and chatting with others. 


An Asian guy might assume that because you have some BT, you have every BT. 
The trickiest thing about having "black tendencies" while dating Asian means you remind him that you don't represent blacks as a whole. And that can be tough. You have to gear things towards YOU. For example, let's say a very cute Laotian guy strikes up a convo. He knows you like Drake, your fave movie is Coming to America, and you’re a student at Howard University. He asks you out by saying, "Let's go out to dinner. I bet you'd like some fried chicken right?”

So he's bringing in the fried chicken stereotype even though you didn't even talk about food.

You can get pissed off and say, "Fuck you you racist asshole! I don't eat no chicken, kiss my big black ass!" and storm off. But that's a hot mess answer and makes you look bad.

Think about some other options. If this guy seems genuinely interested in you despite the slip up, you can play along but still take a shot back. "Yeah I love chicken? Who doesn't?" Seriously Asian folks love chicken as much as we do. ADMIT ASIAN GUYS, Y'ALL LOVE CHICKEN TOO! :P If you don't eat chicken, Just tell him so. But not in the sense of "Duh! Not all black people eat chicken!" but in the sense of "I'm not into chicken, I'd rather eat..." Make it about what you like and not about your liking or not liking something because you're black. If this guy is still saying things that have a stereotypical undertones, leave his ass alone and keep it moving! 


Asian guys have BT to you know.
I always make fun of thugabees because they can be quite obnoxious at time. Fool you know you’re ass ain’t from da hood so stop tryin to holla at me with da, “Ay yo! WAZZUP gurrrrl!” mess! That being said there are a lot of guys out there that genuinely like things that just happened to be a part of black culture. Shen isn’t a thugabee but through his multicultural environment and osmosis, he knows quite a bit about black culture. He watched shows like Living Single and actually admitted to seeing Booty Call (LOL I haven't even seen that). He likes hip-hop, R&B, and jazz, loves New Orleans, and has had some “white man is keeping me down” moments. And his silly ass talks through movies more than I do! Shen is not that big of an anomaly. I’ve had some Asian guys be late as fuck to meet with me, seriously. Loud Asians, soul food loving Asians, ass shaking Asians, R&B-loving Asians, etc. they do exist. So yeah some guys have BT and I bet they’re not all bent out of shape worrying if a chick will like them for that, so why should you?


Just because you have BT doesn’t mean you should branch out to other things.
So you have a bunch of BT, whoop de doo. It doesn't hurt to be a diverse person in general. Sure I read books by black authors, but they're erotica, horror, sci-fi, mystery, etc. I have a college degree, love to draw, play volleyball, video games, love to eat carrots, etc.  I can talk about race, politics, and completely shallow shit. It gives me a lot to talk about and shows that although you have some BT you're not fitting into every little "black" box. Rather than focus on being stereotypes or breaking them, confuse the hell outta them. Watch his eyes go WTF as he watches you transition from talking about “Jumping the Broom” to “The Daily Show.” Do karaoke with a Lauryn Hill song in one minute then Cyndi Lauper the next. This is a way to again remind him that you’re a multidimensional person and that it’s about what you like and not what you like because you’re black. 


If you clearly know you have BT, then it's possible to reign it in a bit.
Yeah so I did all this talk about having BT and that's nothing to be ashamed of. THAT BEING SAID, there's a time and a place for everything. Like I've said on this site before, pick and choose your battles. If you're on a date with a cute Asian guy and some woman bumps into you, that's really not a reason to get into the neck rolling and name calling. You can like listening to Keri Hilson and love the movie Baby Boy but you don't have to make those things the topic of every conversation. There's no need to say, "OMG I'm soooooooo black!!!" because it's just seems weird and unnatural. Just let the convo flow. 


If a guy truly likes you, he won’t give a flying fuck about your BT.
Yep after all this stuff I wrote, I'm saying this. Because...it's true. If a man is attracted to you and he likes you, it's because you're you. So it probably won't matter to him at all. Sure he might think you have a fault or two--who doesn't--but he's still there with you. 

Alright I've written quite a bit here. I just want the girls with BT who feel that they don't have a shot in hell of dating an Asian guy because they have a BT moment here and there that it's not as big of a deal as you may think it is. Yeah there will be guys that will still stick to their close-minded guns and think of you as "too black" for them. But what's the point in worrying about those what those guys think? I'm gonna end with the lame oh, "stay true to yourself, blah blah blah."Sorry, I'm distracted by how wack America's Best Dance Crew turned out to be season and I'm having too much trouble thinking of a better way to end this. :(

7 comments:

  1. Lol! This post is funny but true. I'm a black woman and I do have a mild case of BT but it's never had any effect on my relationship with asian men. My current boyfriend is Chinese and he has a bit of AT (asian tendencies). At the end of the day I would advise people to just be themselves. It's what makes us unique.

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  2. I think sometimes BT is innate. I was adopted and raised by barely middle class white family. I am the only one adopted out of my 3 siblings. The loud BT syndrome definitely has caused arguments in my relationship. Nothing to severe as I still put up with him, however the loud part Asian men raise a brow too.

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  3. Hey! The comment about the line dances hurt.... :P Besides, like you can resist it when at a wedding reception, and you here the phrase "It's Electric!"

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  4. This post is so hilarious! My boyfriend is Chinese and he has an extreme asian tendencies (since he's straight up from China lol). But you know my BT and his AT mix to make some interesting debates and conversations :)

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  5. Interesting article, I'll read the rest another day.
    Now I'm just going to say that I don't have BT, I just tend to talk a bit loud sometimes, might also be because I often use headphones.

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  6. I enjoyed reading your blog. I am a chinese 23 yo male, grew up in a strict chinese household but I date a black woman 30 yo. I am very happy in my current relationship with her despite my folks will not accept her.

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  7. very interesting but true, thanks for this i am datingmy first chinese guy and things are cool, but he acts himself no acts just more of bristish ways but he was born here so i think thats why, he dosent really follow his family traditions only kung fu lol

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