The Wacky World of Blasian Love and Online Dating Sites

6.5.11 ShaSha LaPerf 12 Comments

Although a lot of people still look down on online dating it's becoming a common way to meet people nowadays. Dating sites aren't always loaded with perverts and scammers; it's being used by shy people, busy people, people looking international, etc. I've been into Online dating for a while, using it as a way to meet Asian and non-Asian men. LOL I think I just got addicted to profiles because often at times I would make a profile, then delete it a few days later. Some sites I did stuck around for a while and met some great, and not-so-great guys. But hey, I've met some great and not-so-great guys while I was out an about so this isn't a big deal.

So I've decided to give some insight on many areas of online dating when it comes to blasian couples. The stuff here is mostly based of my experiences as well as a few other folks I know. So I won't get mad at 'cha for talking what I write as a grain of salt. I'm gonna try to cover the good and bad things as I go along.

Commercial Pay Sites
By Commercial Pay Sites I mean sites like Match.com and eHarmony, LOL because they have...commercials. They're pretty well know sites which means there will be a lot of profiles. On Match.com I found a lot of Asian men in my age range, good looking, close by, etc. Unfortunately I came across two major issues. For one, it's free to make a profile but you have to pay to respond to anyone (or a paying person has to send you a message so you can reply back). So you can get wink after wink after wink from cheap ass men in the hopes that they'll send you a message. Or maybe you're a cheap ass sending wink and after wink after wink to get the attention of a guy. So all these "flirts" won't lead to anything until someone ponies up $30. Like I mentioned earlier I found a lot of Asian men on the site, but when you look for the number of Asian men looking for black women, the number is cut in half. It can be frustrating to go through profile after profile and see an Asian guy select every ethnicity in the book except "black." And it's probably the same for guys looking for black women. It probably wouldn't hurt to send a wink or a message anyway just keep in mind you may not be what they're looking for.

eHarmony is probably more frustrating because it takes you forever to fill out a profile. The first time I tried to do eHarmony I was rejected. Then I later found out how specific eHarmony was about things like religion (which I am not big on, thus one of the main reasons why I didn't get on). The second time, just for the hell of it I lied about a lot of shit, then got on. But deleted the profile since I didn't want to start off lying left and right. Besides eHarmony is pretty expensive compared to other sites, about $60 I believe. Supposedly it's because they spend some much time and effort finding you the perfect match. I didn't get deep enough into the site to see how race specific they could be so I don't know how it works in terms of selecting an Asian men or a black women. A while ago there was a commercial for eHarmony that Shen and I were watching, which had both an AF/WM couple and a AM/WF couple. Shen and I deduced that eHarmony is a great site for Asians looking to meet white folks. After watching the commercial I actually did look at the success stories on the site and found the "Diversity" section, which seemed to be the code word for any same race or interracial couples. Most of the interracial couples were non-whites with whites (though there were 1 or 2 Hispanic/Black or Asian (F)/Black (M) couples). If you wanna deal with the high prices and answering 1,000,000 question than try this site.

Commercial Free Sites
These sites aren't as well-known as Match.com, but they have a pretty large following and the added bonus of being free sites. OK Cupid is also probably known for the number of dating research surveys they do. The articles are based on what's happening on those sites but they have some truth in other sites as well. But I digress. Some of them have been race related, reminding us again that black women and Asian men are screwed when it comes to dating. A good thing about OK Cupid is that you aren't allowed to choose a preference for race, so you don't really know if someone wouldn't be into you unless you sent them a message. I got one or two messages from Asian men and I think this had something to do with it. Yes, I am a smoking hot girl with a great personality, LOL, but I think people may be more likely to send you a message when they can't see how specific your racial preferences are. And when people don't reply back you can't really assume it's based off race unless they clearly say so. In general I wasn't so interested in men that lived way off in miscellaneous states because I had not interest in a long distance relationship, regardless of their race. Plenty of Fish is another free site that I checked out a long time ago. But it was an ugly site with navigation issues so I wasn't on there too long. It's not as popular as OKCupid and I found more men to be shadier on that site compare to OKC. I just clicked on the site and it seems to have improved its site design. But I don't know what else is happening there since I'm not a member now.

I don't have too many bad things to say about free sites. They have similar amentias to pay sites except they're free. I found more men in the 18-30 age range so if you're a little older finding guys may be a bit more of a challenge.

Interracial/Ethnic-Specific Sites
These sites cater to people specifically looking for interracial dating or looking for people in their own race. So you can join the Asian dating section on eHarmony.com in the hopes of meeting a cute Asian guy or guys can check out Afroromance to meet a great black women. Honestly, I found myself more bugged by these sites than the others. The major issue with these sites though is that the idea of "interracial dating" for a lot of people meanings dating whites. So many of the black women or Asian men on these sites are looking for white people to date. Additionally it means that the men that will reply to you will mostly be white as well. When it comes to ethnic specific sites like Asian People Meet or Black People Meet, the general idea is that people are looking for relationships in their own race. So you might be bombarded with questions about having "yellow fever" and what not. Or you might not get a bite at all. Another drawback is that these sites are general under the same umbrella. So the profile of the cute Asian guy you saw on Afroromace.com is probably listed on Interracial Dating Central. so you don't really know how real profiles are and who's looking for what.

UBLove isn't so much interracial or ethnic specific, but a more international site that I used while I was in Japan. They have a Japanese, Korean, and Chinese, Russian, and English versions of this site. Of course I used the Japanese version and I did pretty well. But this also relied on the fact that I was in Japan at the time and I spoke a fair amount of Japanese, which I think made me easier to approach. So it may be more difficult using these sites if you're limited in language and not living in say Korea or China. The english is mostly for Americans and the number of Asian-Americans/Asian on that side were slimmer than the ones for the Asian countries.

Social Network Sites
We all know about sites like Facebook, Asian Avenue, Black Planet, and MySpace and it seems that people do like to use these sites to date. But for the most part, people aren't joining these sites in the hopes of dating. So if you are, you have to be more careful about contacting people. You can be labeled "stalker" or "creeper" or whatever if you're randomly sending messages to cute guys or girls.  A plus for these sites is that generally they allow people to make groups. So a quick search on Facebook will lead you to the "OMG! BLACK GURLZ N AZN DOODS!" group. A downside though is that the second an Asian guy says he's single in the group 20 other girls in the group have sent him messages before you.

Then there are international social networking sites like Mixi in Japan. Actually you have a bit of an advantage with these sites compared to something like Facebook. These sites are generally in the language of the country that runs them and it makes you look pretty impressive if you're doing a profile in said language and participating in things. On Mixi I would get contacted by people looking to meet foreigners in Japan. I got emails from guys telling me I was cute and they wanted to get to know me. Of course, I was in Japan at the time so that made things a bit easier. I supposed that can be potential downside to these sites. With Mixi you have to have a Japanese phone number to access the site. Cyworld was the popular Korean equivalent but it shut down a while ago.

Craigslist
Ah, Craigslist. Yes it gets its own section! I'm sure a few of you cringed when you saw that one. But I have to say CL is not as even as people say. Of course you have to wade through a lot of shit, but I can't be too down on the site since I found a great non-profit job on that site. And I did meet guys. Although there are few ads from Asian men there, posting an ad for Asian men will have them coming to you. Of course this can also set you up to be attacked by men of other races for having a preference. This didn't happen to me though. But yeah you get a lot of replies from guys, some of whom are pretty shocked that the ad was posted. You will have to be mindful that there are guys looking for just a quick fuck and what not, but I think that's something to keep in mind regardless of where you're meeting guys. So don't get too down on CL before giving it a shot.

So that's my long look at dating sites out there. There are a lot of other sites I didn't touch on but they tend to fall into the categories I mention. You should always be careful when using these sites like you should when you meet people just walking down the street. And always think positive. I met Shen on a dating site and it's been going well so far. But hey I got rejections, crazy guys, and sometimes nothing at all. Oh well, sometimes life is like that. Online dating is just one avenue to meet people and if you're not the online dating type then go out there and handle yo bitnas. But if you're curious about these sites, check them out. Who knows what may work for you.

12 comments:

  1. i love your posts they are so helpful...btw which site did u and Shen meet on?....i didnt know craigslist would work that way, i am sorta excited now.

    -lil miss afrochick

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  2. Shen and I met on OK Cupid. He contacted me after noticing that I had looked at his profile. There were a few long emails then things went from there. :)

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  3. I don't mess with online dating or blind dating whatsoever. I let nature take it's course.

    I'm not saying that you cannot find good people from these sources..people can,but I like people getting to know and see me up front. The thing that I hate about some of these sites..as you have mentioned is how some of these people are so race specific. If you just happen to like someone from their own race or outside it, there is nothing wrong with that, however, some of these same people cannot overlook race when it comes to Black people, especially Black women .Some of those same posters cannot seem to overlook who we are.

    I went on a website reading about a 22 year old African-American woman who was looking for a White man. The one reply she got from this one guy came off as rude and insulting. According to the woman, the man automatically wrote her off because.He said that he preferred Asian or White women because "Black women didn't keep themselves up".

    The woman also said that she didn't have a picture of herself when he said this. On her second go round, she decided to do it..then he wrote her back with an apology saying how cute she was ,but he wasn't into her..Black women. Other men of other races wrote to her was well,but she was so discouraged that she decided not do online dating.

    That is what I hate about that. That White man assumed that because she was a Black woman she was overweight or loud, obnoxious..etc you get the deal. He didn't even give this woman a chance. were supposed to be like in his eyes and he's not the only man to think like this. I have also read in another article where a survey was conducted to the kinds of women that White men were willing to interacially date. You can guess who wasn't on that list. When the reasons came out, it was pretty much what I have listed in my post.

    This is the predominate reason that I don't do online dating. I admit to being semi old fashioned and just meeting by the boy meets girls method. If I want to meet a man want him to meet him so he can see where I'm coming from.
    Though people have choices into what they like in people, I still find it somewhat insulting that there are guys who are race specific. With guy like that White guy, he not only said that he didn't have a preference for Black women,but he had to insult her for no reason. Couldn't he have just that he wasn't into Black women and just let it be? Far as the woman, hope that she see her rejection as a blessing. He was a racist jerk. Even it just was about the weight issue,this man have the wrong idea of what love is. If his idea of equals weight, then ALL women need to stay away from him.

    I've never dated an Asian man,but I have came across a few who seemed to like me,but so far, at least with those few that I have met, I wasn't attracted to them. I have been attracted to Asian men/Black/Latino men and if he's a good man and if I'm attracted to him, then I will give him a chance. Too bad those guys won't do the same. It's their loss.

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  4. Oops! I see that I've a lot of mistakes in my post.When I wrote it, my eyes/hands was getting tired. Forgive me if my words seem choppy.

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  5. You must be reading my mind because I was just about to leave a comment on your AMBW sites post about online dating sites.
    I recently created profiles on 2 dating sites. Match.com is such a let down. The majority of men of all races exclude Black women and Middle Eastern women. So far the only guys interested in me are old and didn't keep themselves up or have 3 kids and have never been married so clearly are looking for baby mama #4. I didn't know that thing about being able to reply to an email for free so I'll try doing that with this one guy that had potential.

    OkCupid, I like better so far cause of the lack of racial preferences. Plus some of the questions are cute and quirky. It is weird that guys my age exclude women the same age as them.

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  6. @M: Don't worry about typos LOL! I think my blog is probably packed with mistakes. Eventually I'll stop being lazy and go back over some older posts. As for your comments, I think the general thing about dating is being rejected for whatever reason. It'll happen online and offline. I think of online dating as just another avenue to meet guys. It works for some folks but other folks do better out and about.

    @modest: It's been a while since I used Match but when men sent me a reply I was able to reply if I wasn't a paying customer. I don't know if this is still the case though.

    As for OKC, one thing I did notice about the site is that the people there are more on the quirkier side. I'm pretty quirky too so it didn't bug me. LOL I got tired of the random questions though.

    As for the older men, I will say that's the bigger pitfall of online dating: the older men come in droves! Of course some girls like older guys but I definitely prefer men around my age too. One white guy on Afroromance got PISSED off at me because I turned him down. He assumed it was because he was white. I was like, "dude, you have KIDS MY AGE!" Just not my thing.

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  7. hi i was just going to say the likes of QQ is quite good for meeting chinese men, I met my boyfriend through that. Its kind of hit and miss you can search for guys in your particular location chat to them for awhile and then meet up if you get on well.

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  8. Thanks for the post, is very helpful.
    i have started to date an asian man, but a little afraid he is just going to try out, how it is with a black woman. Dont want to be an experiment

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  9. LOL this is such a great post. I agree sooo much. Asian Ave was dead, but more than anything, i found my major prob was location. I would have tons of asian guys interested but they were in Cali or Canada or NY!... NY was not that bad, but i found that Asian men like any men were sometimes fickle to show up. DC/NOVA/MD asian men were a cop out with my experience the most. I met a couple of asian guys who i could tell were there for curiosity or hook up to see what it was like, or even worse.... cheating on their girl friend (who i discovered i knew!!)

    On a good note, I met my bf on PoF. I know i know... it was actually very funny. He kept coming to my page and would never speak. After the 5th time i was fed up and said "stop perving my site" after that we hit off conversation and found we had crap loads in common. We flirted lightly and became friends, one day he asked if he could meet me as he was coming to DC for training for the govt... and when he mentioned the class i realized i scheduled people for the same exact class. We met and the rest is history... we will see where we go from here.

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  10. Where can I go to meet other blasians in my area. I want to meet new blasian friends.

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  11. I just met my "friend", on Facebook' and so far, things are moving along quite well. He's Japanese; and, both he and I understand just enough of the other's home language, to have had very nice conversations. Also, the free online translator is a god-send. We both get rather excited, when MST - 12 AM rolls around...generally, he's on one of his hour-long breaks, and chooses to use that time, to chat with me. It's neat to chat with him, just before I go to bed. We call ourselves "time travelers"...he's got to travel back a day, in order to speak with me; and, I have to travel forward a day, to speak with him...somewhere in the cosmic middle, we meet up. :)

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  12. I think as long as we meet continuously in a safe location ten to twenty times is my number until we really get to know each other. Sure lets date online and get to know each other. I am all for nature taking it's course but my god I do not want to die alone. I am educated college level associates and going for a bachelors, and damn I think we all deserve good men put yourself out there and hang out at a Starbucks or NYU Anime Club thats where me and a cute guy I met on okcupid met and would go to club meetings there. Be safe and have fun.

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