Stupid Stuff Interracial Relationship Supporters Say and Do

15.7.11 ShaSha LaPerf 9 Comments

You ever have a moment where you're talking to someone about interracial dating and they say something so off the wall that you actually do a double take? Yeah...I've had a lot of those moments both online and offline. I have had to actually stop and think to myself, "Wow, they really just say (or type) that?" And it seems that some of the same stupid shit just comes up over and over again in IR dating. So in my typical blogging fashion I've got a list of wacky things people do and say when it comes to IR dating:

Using any "fever" phrase
Yellow fever? Jungle fever? Ugh. These are not little cute phrases or things to be proud of having. Hell yellow fever really exists and it doesn't have anything to do with sexing up Asian guys! Proudly proclaiming you have yellow fever to people should have you sent to the hospital, not to the nearest cute Asian guy. And jungle fever...blacks have spent years trying not to be equated with being monkeys, animalistic, wild, and untamed. Are there other offensive ones for people of other races/ethnicities? Like "spicy fever?" "Milky fever?" Sounds silly right? Besides a fever is painful. Who would want to have one!?

Thinking Interracial Dating Must Involve a White Person
Of course the most common type of IR couples out there invovles a white person; I'm not stupid enough to think this isn't true. So I don't get surprised when the topic comes up and it immediately leads to the ups and downs of dating white people. But what gets me is the shock and/or fascination of non-white IR couples from people in IR relationships that get me. Sometimes people are completely confused ("Huh! There can be IR without a white person?"), or ever they will ask stupid racists questions to black women in blasian relationships ("So...what are Asian guys like in bed?"). I've even seen people discouraging others from dating men that aren't white. the most WTF moment came for me when I was on an interracial dating site (LOL before Shen), and a white guy asked me why I was on an interracial dating site when I wasn't that interested in white men. Fail. Yes people, black women be interested in men that aren't white. Get over it.

Letting Someone Disrespect You Because of Your Race
"You're not like other Asian guys I know, you're much cooler!" is not a complements. It means that this person had a preconceived idea of who you are because of your race and when you didn't fit that one box they decided you were the "good enough" to talk to. It gets even crazier when they assume that because you aren't the "typical" Asian guy that it's okay to bash Asians in front of you. I'm sure Asian people can do wacky stuff and I don't think you need to defend everything they do. But what happens when you have a moment of an Asian Tendency? Will they still see you as the same person? Call her out on her attitude and remind him that even though you may not be the "typical Asian guy" you're still a "Asian guy" and it's not cool to bash Asian people.  

Disrepecting Your Own Race
So your cute Asian date is talking about how loud and ghetto black women are, but he's SSSSSOOOOO GLAD that you're not like that. Don't make things worse by agreeing with him and bragging about how you're not the "typical" black girl. Wanna know why? Because you become the "girlfriend" in "Blacks are so ghetto! I'm not racist, even my black girlfriend agrees with me!" And ladies, I already got on the guys about how it was a turn off to bash Asian women in front of black women. That applies to you and black men. I've met my fair share of crazy ass black men out there but I don't fill Shen's head with negative talk about them. Because karma comes back to the form of some black guy telling Asian guys not to date black women because they're stupid crazy bitches and that they should stick to Asian women. So don't go around doing the same. Even if it's in a joking manner, be careful of what you say. Again, that "joke" of yours can easily turn into a "my girlfriend is black and she said this!" moment.

Assuming Your Baby will Be Cute with "Good Hair" Because They Are Mixed
I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras not to long ago (Yes, I know...I know...) and there was a white woman on the show who had a white/Latino mixed son. She actually spent the first five minutes talking about how cute he was because of his mixed race and she was glad that he had "good hair." I'm not making this up. Babies are cute because they're babies not because they're mixed, white, black, blasian, whatever. Actually there are some uncute babies out there of all races, but I digress. The point here is that trying to poke a hole in your boyfriend's condom in the hopes of giving birth to some light-skin-did, soft, curly-haired baby with slight "Asian" features is a hot mess. Genetics don't always work the way we want them too. That blasian baby can have some nappy ass hair and you know what? Make it into a beautiful afro. That baby can have darker skinner and more "black features." Make sure they know what products will keep their skin healthy (and not fucking skin lighteners). Make you child feel beautiful because it IS beautiful, not because of their mixed race. 

Trying to Change Someone's Mind About Dating Outside Their Race
Ladies, if the Asian guy you have your eyes on has too many similarities to dudes in my post about preferences or he's pulled some lines from my 10 Things posts, why the hell are you still running after him?  Yes I know you're in a small town and he's the only Asian guy in your history class. But if this dude is pining after his white class mate and doesn't even want to look your way unless you jab him with your history book, let that dude go. People need to decided for themselves and trying to force them to see it your way won't get you anywhere. If he's not listening to you talk about how awesome black women are, let him stew in his own stupid juices and delete him from your Facebook friends list. Clearly he's not into you. Don't think of it as Asian men not being into you but that Asian man not being into you. Pick and choose your battles!

Peoples, peoples, peoples, let's try a little harder not to do and say stupid shit shall we?


  1. I'm so sick of people and their fetish towards mixed/biracial people. Some guy that was trying to get my number recently asked me "do you have white in you?" Then proceeded to interrogate me about any white ancestors I may have. I have an afro and I know how to keep my situation moist(thanks Puffy) so now that my hair has grown out I got guys assuming I got "good hair" and it is all I can do not to vomit on them.

    I didn't see that Toddlers episode but I have heard people say some ridiculous things about their own children or grandchildren including disappointment over the kids hair texture or relief that the kid came out light. I swear some people, their minds are still colonized.

  2. One of my lifetime pet peeves are people who talk about IR/AMBW and how they expect for the kids to come out exotic and/or pretty. I had to deal with a lot of this foolishness in my own family. Don't let a lighter skinned Black ,biracial, or non-Black man come in my family. Those "When are you going to have one of those pretty children" will soon be followed by it. One of my cousins can pass for a White woman. It seemed that my kin were more worried about the color of the child than its health. I guess god didn't like ugly. My now 17 year old cousin look just like his mom....but is dark skinned like his dad.

    In high school, there was this guy who had a Black father, White mom.Mind you, he had the very light skin w/ freckles and he had reddish wavy hair,but he was FAR from good looking. Unfortunately, he was "popular" in the wrong way. Some people would be like "that is the ugliest d-----d mixed boy I've seen!".He knew it,but he cared less of what the thought about him.It had nothing to with who he was as there were other mixed raced kids in the school. His looks just stood out.

    If people are going to date/marry Asian or other races of men, it should be about having fun, loving and growing with them. I don't want any kids and I'm getting at that menopausal mark. I'm too old go through all of that trouble. I didn't have none with the Black men I was dating and it's the same with every other race of men. Even I did want kids, I can have pretty children either way, if it's meant to be.When you're praising someone's beauty because of who they are,you're not saying much about yourself. As a Black woman, we're not thought as being the most attractive women,why would I want to continue to tell the world that something is wrong with Black beauty? The kid should be taught they they are beautiful no matter how they are.

    Not long ago, my mother and I was comparing Mariah Carey and Halle Berry. It's funny. My mom, always thought that Halle would marry a Black man,but she would never have chidlren by one, unless they were was light like her ex David Justice. On the other we thought that Mariah would do the same,but she had her kids by Nick Cannon. Anyways,I brought up those two..particularly Halle because it just seem that some Black women say they want kids with Black men,but always have struggle to get pregnant by them, yet it seem like sooth sailing having them with White or other races of men. I'm not saying that they may not as Halle is a diabetic,but my opinion is that if she could had one with that former racist husband of hers, she could have had one with those other Black men. I could be wrong,but she was probably thinking along those lines like some of those girls on those YT clips about having beautiful Blasian children.

  3. Oops..I meant former racist boyfriend far as Halle.

  4. "Thinking Interracial Dating Must Involve a White Person"

    OMG....this times infinity! I get soooo sick and tired of people translating IRs as white person and non-white person. Like you, I've had experienced some WTF moments on an interracial dating site. It is all kinds of frustrating when you specify wanting to meet men of color only to have white men responding to your ad. Seriously? Can mofos NOT read?!? What part of men of color was not clear *eyerolls*?

    - Misty

  5. I've experienced*
    - Misty

  6. @ modest: The "You're pretty, what are you mixed with?"-type comments are as ignorant as the "You're pretty for a dark skinned" girl stuff. I hope you went off on that loser! What was really bad about the mom on T&T was that she actually had a non-mixed white daughter who had blonde hair and blue eyes and she put down her daughter on TV for it. I know the general standard of beauty IS that blonde hair and blue eyes is supposed to be beautiful, but that women should see both her kids and beautiful because they are and not divide them based off who's more "ethnic" looking. It was really disturbing to watch.

    @M: LOL at the boy in school. It seems that for light-skinned men, they're always seem as "pretty" no matter how they actually look. It was the same way in my school, some okay-looking guys were seen as "pretty" and "cute" compared to some of my other classmates who were not mixed or had darker skin who I thought were pretty good-looking.

    As for both Halle and Mariah, I think both of them having kids had more to do with biological clocks than anything else. Halle doesn't have a good track record with men in general regardless of their race and personally I think her kid with her last boo was a matter of convenience. Mariah is...Mariah. She probably just wanted kids so she could have an excuse to shop in the teen department for her own outfits. j/k

    @Misty: I don't mind white men responding until they start getting into a hissy fit over it. It bugged me when I would get guys saying stuff like, "why date an Asian guy when white guys are so much better?" LOL that dude didn't get a reply.

  7. Shasha,

    I agree. I remembered girls just talking about singers like Al B. Sure, Christopher Williams, El Debarge. Girls wanted to date boys that close to looking like them. As a matter of fact,a guy from my former high school intended to do his shout outs to the class,but he also was subtly telling people how insecure he felt about his darker skin because it seemed that most of the girls there were interested in lighter skin.

    Far as that guy in my school, that guy was not cute at all...not even ok looking. If I were stuck on stupid, I wouldn't have had my kids with him,but you're right. I've seen lighter skinned guys who looked as they've been beaten with the ugly stick over and over again, yet women just thought how "hot" they were.

    Sometimes, I just don't get people's logic of beauty. Yes, everybody has an opinion about what constitutes it,but it seems that people focus on the skin tone aspects of than their actual phenotypes. Some of these same people will say that Miss Piggy is pretty because she light. It just seem that when it comes to beauty, there are excuses with it.

    If I wanted kids with a dark skinned man or any color of men , it wouldn't bother me. I would just see them as my kids. There are some very beautiful darker skinned people in this world just as there are lighter skinned people.While I will respect their opinions of what the people desire, I still find that to be sooooo annoying. When my grandmother start to talk about that, with all due respect, I cut her off or anybody else by bringing up a new subject or just politely tell them,not to discuss it unless it's about describing people.

    (Laughing about Mariah) Oh yeah..Mariah don't want to get old. Yep! what a great way to stay young than to do that.

  8. Don't forget Shamar Moore! He was the "light-skinn-ded it guy" for quite some time, LOL!

  9. "Thinking Interracial Dating Must Involve a White Person"

    This. So. Freaking. Much.

    I emphasized this point on my own blog because it was just baffling to me. I never understood why 'interracial dating' apparently has the automatic meaning of 'I'm a white guy/girl and into colored guys/girls' or 'I'm a PoC and into white guys/girls', but I don't think most people bother thinking beyond that to begin with. When I say I want to date inter-racially, people assume I'm into white guys. When I say I'm not, it just seems to catch them off guard for some reason. SMH.