ShaSha Explores Dating Thugabees

9.10.11 ShaSha LaPerf 5 Comments

So I was doing my usual internet cruising and found a rather amusing article on the site Madame Noire, about a black women that loved dating "wiggers." For anyone who's been under a rock for a while, a wigger is a white person who co-opts "black culture." It doesn't really take a genius to figure out what words are used to create "wigger." Anyway, I have "black culture" in parenthesis because said culture is usually just the current shit you see on BET and it doesn't extend much from that. While I don't have much experience with these guys (except for a stint when I was in high school), I have come across my fair share of "thugabees." I've mentioned thugabees on my site a few times, but I've decided to go a bit more into depth about actually dating them. Is it really possible to date a thugabee? Here are answers to a few questions:

A model for the clothing store DEEP located in Nagoya, Japan

First, what is a "thugabee" again?

 A "thugabee" is a "thug wannabe." I first came up with this term while I was living in Japan. For the most part a thugabee will claim to love "black culture" but mostly hip-hop culture. However it's more the hip-hop culture we seen presented in the media today which tends to focuse a lot more on mysogny, violence, sex, colorism, you get the idea. Some guys will look deeper to find out that not all hip-hop culture is this way, but the majority of thugabees only look at the surface. They're listening to the latest Drake song, and wearing their pants well below their asses along with big chains, and sneakers. Most thugabees prefer to have bald heads, dreads, extensions/braids, or cornrows...every now and then you may spot an afro but it's less common. They'll probably have a collection of overpriced ballcaps too. You may spot a tatto on them. Thugabees have dreams of becoming a rapper, dancer, singer, or DJ. It's not just a young thing; I've met thugabees well into their 30s. In fact my very first encounter with a thugabees was man who owned a hip-hop clothing store in Kawagoe. They'll probably have a copy of You Got Served on DVD (because Boyz N Da Hood is probably too old for them to know). They probably have little experience being around real black people and think the only place where blacks exist are New York, LA, and Atlanta (maybe Chicago or Detroit...depends on if he's seen any hood movies that take place in these cities).

Is this just a Japanese thing?
Well I focused on Japan because that's where I saw them the most. Japan actually has a pretty extensive interest in hip-hop culture that spans a good 20 years or so, so compared to other Asian countries, it might be more prevalent. However, I'm sure it's not that difficult to find thugabees in Korea, China, the UK, Canada, or even in the good ol' US.

How can you tell a thugabee from a guy that just likes aspects of black culture or grew up in a black environment?
It may seem a bit tricky at first but you can tell the difference betwen a thugabee, someone who's genuinely interested in black culture and those who were born/raised in black environment. Thugabees have a clear sense of "trying too hard." Sometimes they're so over the top with the way they say, "Ay yo wassup shawty" and they're wearing every piece of clothing that Sean Combs put his name on. He'll probably think everything related to blacks is great where as the others can appreciate black culture, but are thinking critically enough to know that the grass is not always greener on our side. An Asian that likes black culture may like hip-hop, but is also open to expanding to other things like literature, reading anything from the Autobiography of Malcolm X to a Walter Mosley novel. Hell, he may not even listen to much hip-hop at all and would rather listen to Anthony Hamilton or Nina Simone. I've been around Asians that have lived in black environments. Granted the majority of them did have an interest in black women and picked up a few words from their friends and schools, but they never had a sense of trying too hard from them the way I do with thugabees.

What type of black women do thugabees go for?

You're probably thinking that this guy wants the kind of nasty chicks that he sees in the hip-hop videos or a "Beyonce" or "Kelly Rowland" all their own right? They want the girls that have the big asses that they can make clap right? Actually, I've only heard this type of talk coming from Asian men that generally aren't interested in black women, not thugabees. Okay, okay, I have heard some talk from guys about wanintg a big ass, but that sentiment seems to be stretching to everyone nowadays. Thugabees are often looking for a "teacher," a woman who will give him insight on the black experience. While he might not expect her to look like the girls in the video, he'll expect her to know who made the video and have the ability to dance. He'll think she likes soul food, can teach him ebonics and will look adorable in a pair of pink Timbaland boots. But he may not be so interested when you tell him to check out sites like The Grio or Post Bougie unless there's an announcement that T.I. is back in jail again. A lot of these guys also like women with natural hair, especially if she's rocking an afro or braids/twists/dreadlocks. I guess that makes her more "black" to him. I got hit on much more when my hair was natural then when I had a perm. You can find the occasional thugabee that's looking at a black women as a sexual conquest, or the trophy black girl to brag about to his friends to, but I don't think this is just a thing related to thugabees but more a thing related to dumb ass men.

Hey that guy is totally a thugabee but he didn't want to talk to me, even though I'm black! What's the deal!?

Believe it or not there are some thugabees that aren't interested in black women at all. I don't know why, but I can take a few guesses. Despite all the swagger these guys think they have, they're actually still too intimidated to talk to black women, maybe for fear of said women exposing their insecurities. Some guys would prefer to date a female thugabee because it's the best of both worlds. She'll indulge in his fantasies with him, and he doesn't have to worry so much about trying to impress a "real" black woman with all his talk. And some guys are still fucking racist to black people even if he is imitating him. I have met the occasional thugabee who still jumped at the chance of dating a white women over a black one. There are some other guys that are thugabees and don't feel the need the date black women to "validate" them. They could be living in environments that aren't loaded with black women. Who really knows?

Do you think a thugabee will see past my "blackness" and change over time to see the real me?

This is the tricky thing about thugabees because for most of them, they're attracted to your blackness. A thugabee will be more likely to question your blackness. I don't know if he'll go as far as to call you a "sellout," but he might be disappointed that you don't want to go see You Got Served 3: Servin' It Up N Space. A thugabee can date you and finally realize you're more than your big ass and neck-rolling and want to be with you simply because you're you. He can grow out of his thugabee ways and get into something new. Or he can stay the same old guy, still reading his Vibe magazine and looking for a pair of purple and green Air Jordans because he knows Wocka Flocka has a pair and go seek out another black girl that will have the same pair of sneakers. Anyone can change over time, but it's hard to say for better or for worse.

The conclusion: so are thugabees really datable?

Well after all this somewhat negative talk about thugabees, all I can say it's hard for me to say. None of my relationships with them worked out for various reasons. There is something intriguing about someone who seems to have an infatuation with the idea of you and your culture, especially if it's not something you see every day. And there are some good looking thugabees out there. Hey, even I turned my head when I saw and Asian guy with dreads...LOL needed to see if he was a buttaface or not. :P Some girls actually enjoy dating these type of guys and it's worked out for them. Others haven't been so lucky. The novelty of dating a guy who asked her 40 times to teach him how to Dougie wore off on her. And you might get the feeling that if he only sees you as a cute black girl, you can be easily replaced with another cute black girl. I might not agree with their taste in clothes and movies, but I don't think I met any thugabees that I thought were complete assholes because they were thugabees. Ignorant, but not necessarily assholes. But a guy who only wanting to talk to you because of the color of your skin may be reason enough to consider him and asshole. So in the end it's up to you to decide. If you come across a thugabee, and you feel you have chemistry and that he's not just into you because you're black, then I say go for it. If you're not feeling it one way or the other, ship him off. It's up to you to decide. :)


  1. a Black woman, I'm turned off by "w----s" and thugabees( mentality wise)If there is anything I've learned is there is a difference between being a "thugabee" and just being a product of that Black environment.

    Remember Joshua Packwood? Now that is a White/non Black man I would have probably paid attention to. Some people may classify him as a thugabee/w----r,but I wouldn't. He's an example of, in this case, a White guy who was a product of his Black environment. You could tell by his dialect that he was raised around a lot of Black people. Some people may think to be raised around Blacks that you have to use hip-hop slang and have a thuggish mentality all of that isn't true. Joshua once said that he was a rebellious child before he got himself together,but a lot of people was/still are that.Every race has rebels in them,but you got those few who associate it with hip-hop"culture". I don't classify him as neither of the two.

    Now the reason that I say I would give a guy like Josh a chance is because he wanted to go somewhere..he wanted a better life and as somebody who was raised in Black environment and went to an HBCU..he more than likely have some true understanding of what Black culture really is.

    I hope that Asian/non-Black people and Black women understands this. Black culture isn't wearing hip-hop styles clothes or emulating their favorite hip hop star.It so much more.. it's about our struggles..our civil rights..freedom fighters..aviators, inventors..teachers etc to live in a land where we are too often treated like second class citizens.

    I've seen some of these "thugabees" and "w-----s" around and I'll be honest with you. I once thought it was cute..but now I just want to tell some of these guys pull up those pants take out those grills out of their mouth and BE YOURSELF!!! if want to impress a good Black woman just be this. I can deal with the non-Black man who was a product of his Black environment,but I'm not into thugabees.

  2. I had to Google Packwood, then remembered the drama over him. I didn't get the impression that he was a thugabee either. The article on Madame Noire had images of Robin Thicke, but I NEVER got that image from him. Michael Rappaport and I'd even say Dante Basco are two actors that I think get lumped into the "black acting" category given the type of shows/movies they've appeared in, but I also think there's some environmental things going on there too.

    I think the another major difference between a thugabee and someone who's have a lot of exposure to blacks is that the latter probably isn't gonna hound about what it's like to be black, because they've already seen it. They don't need to be "taught" they're already learning because they're surrounded by it. And I don't think they'll encompass everything either. There wee very few Asians in my hood and my school and they did date black women and used the same old slang I did, but they also didn't wear the baggy jeans and the labels. They weren't seeking out black friend so they could be down; they hung out with blacks because that's who they were around. Thugabees seem to take things to a more extreme level.

  3. "You can find the occasionally thugabee that's looking at a black women as a sexual conquest, or the trophy black girl to brag about to his friends to, but I don't think this is just a thing related to thugabees but more a thing related to dumb ass men. "

    I've never met any thugabees or the American equivalent. I've lived in cities with 30-60% black populations and those types would not survive long.
    I did date an Asian American with a lot of black friends. He just acted normal.

  4. My ex grew up in Brooklyn around nothing but Black and Puerto-Ricans. (I'm from Harlem)He's just a product of his environment.We clicked instantly. We have the same taste in music, etc.. I don't have a problem with a thugabee as long as he's not too "extra" with it. This post is really funny!

  5. My man likes hip hop/r'n'b music and timbaland boots, but I wouldn't really describe him as a thugabee. I have never got the impression that he is dating me for a 'black experience'.
    We share a lot of stuff in common and can talk about anything. I know it's sounds cliche but although we are technically interracial we don't focus on each other's race.