6 Observations About Black Woman And AM/BW Sites

1.11.11 ShaSha LaPerf 7 Comments

So I've written about the kind of stuff I saw on AM/XF sites and now it's time to discuss AM/BW sites specifically. Since these groups cater to just black women and Asian men, you'll find some different dynamics from what you may see on the more general sites. Somethings I've seen across both types of groups like massive amounts of sex talk, talks about asian pop stars, and the like, so I won't really mention that since it's not too particular. I'm not really talking about one or even two specific sites, but just talking about what I've seen over the years. So here goes!

1. There are always more women than men.
Of course we can't talk about AM/BW sites without talking about this. It's no secret that the majority of AM/BW website are mostly women. And man, do the girls complain about it. I'm not gonna sugarcoat things; there probably are more Asian men out there that prefer to date everyone but black women and they join non-AM/BW sites in the hopes of meeting the non-BW girl of their dreams. But I do think there are some other things that should be noted. Some non-AM/BW sites may seem more active, but a lot of the activity is coming from the same people. There are more people joining non-AM/BW, but also higher turn over rates and a lot of dead profiles. So I don't think the amount of people is that drastically different. I think in general a lot of men simply aren't interested in joining these kind of sites or maintain interests in them. Even the non-AM/BW sites that are so-called a "sausage fest" probably have more women than men. Then again I've only few a few man bloggers that openly talk about interracial dating, let alone Asian men specifically.

2. There are less whiny men.
As I noted groups that are not specifically aimed at AW/BM relationships have more men in them. But there's also a fair amount of whining coming from the men, specifically how they can't find this girl or that girl. In AM/BW sites you rarely see this coming from men--though you may see it from the ladies, LOL. The guys in these groups will speak whats on their mind. They'll be controversial or they'll open minds to new ideas. Sometimes they may sounds like complete assholes, and often at times they aren't checked on their behavior when they should be. But if anything it reminds the ladies that assholes come in all races. you may find some guys who rant about girls expected them to be like K-pop stars or getting annoyed at girls about how they complain about the lack of guys. But other than that, the guys come off with more confidence and don't to ask the ladies "what kind of guy do you like?" every five minutes.

3. Black girls, y'all really are the ones starting shit...
Yep, this seem to be a pretty consistent thing between AM/BW and non-AM/BW sites."Ghetto" sai'niqua and "I don't like black culture" Sally (who's real name is Saleisha) is going at it, because Sai'niqua was tired of hearing about how not "black" Sally is. So they get into it. But there's a different dynamic going on when the battle happens here. Because there are so many black girls on the site, it exposures Asian men to seein their good sides and their bad sides. So Sai'niqua and Sally don't represent black girls, they represent themselves. Of course, other people will jump into the battles, but it again you'll probably get different perspectives and as a result a look at different types of black wome

4. ...But the drama often stems from controversial topics.
A lot of non-AM/BW have pretty shallow topics. The topics are usually like, "What kind of clothes do girls like to see on Asian guys" or "Favorite Asian Crush." Sometimes they'll get deep and discuss something like, "Who's Better, Korean Men or Japanese Men?" But the topics are usually too fluffy that it leaves little room for arguing over anything. Now I can't say this isn't on AM/BW sites. I can't tell you how many times I rolled my eyes at a girl talking about Big Bang. But a lot of the dramatic arguments are coming from topics that will get people in an uproar in most places. They cover race/culture, class, politics, etc. Every now and then this is come up on non-AM/BW sites, but not as often as it does on those sites. Now some girls are just petty and want to start shit for no real reason, but for the most part things start from people get salty in a conversation about abortion or something.

5. Black women worry a lot about what Asian men think of their looks.
While some people on non-AM/BW sites constantly asks broad questions like, "do you like tall girls" or "do you like big girls," people on AM/BW constantly ask, "do you like dark-skinned/light-skinned girls" and "do you like natural/permed hair?" I supposed this is because dealing with people hating us because of our hair and skin tone is something black women are used to and have been rejected for. So it seems natural for ladies to ask these questions. However, the problem with these questions is that it often leads to putting the guys on the spot and leading to a generic, "I like everything" answer. And if any guy decides to have a preference, it he's quickly blasted for having it. So there's really no point in asking this question because they don't want a straight answer anyway.

6. Yes Good People On These Sites Do Exist
Yep, I'm ending this the same way I did my other blog post. Basically it's the internet so of course you'll see some crazy shit and crazy people. But it's not always filled with this stuff. You can easily find cool, friendly people on these sites as well. You might be able to even find some cool folks in your own neighborhood from the sites.

So that's my list.  LOL I'm probably being to nice in this post here. The list of stuff was actually longer, but I cut it down to six observations because I'm already long-winded as it is. In the end, you probably should just take what you see and read on those sites for a grain of salt and mostly just a good form of entertainment. I'm just letting you know about a few things you can expect to come across when you join them.


  1. Ha,great post!! All of the clowning on these sites are annoying.

  2. Hi, I've been reading all of your posts and I really like your blog.

    I'm not aware of many AM/BW sites, but there was a meetup group in my city that I joined... and I saw that all of the members were black women (like myself) and no men! I also joined a yahoo group that was all women... and there was gross pr0n on there! I left that group quickly. I've heard terrible things about a ning site that is run by an Asian guy who did time in prison for murdering a black girl... and it too is chockablock with black girls.
    I don't think I'll join any more groups.

    Frankly, meeting guys in person is a much better experience... though I did meet my current BF through online dating so I guess that's not a total waste.

  3. If there is one thing I'll say about some of these AMBW sites is that they will certainly indirectly tell you the truth about people and their stance about race and dates.

    Should people stop creating these sites because they have difficulties diversifying the groups? No. In spite of the low numbers that are turning up on these sites, it's still is a great idea of people doing it. I wouldn't do dates off the internet,but there are people that do. On top of that, it gives both AM and BM the opportunity to learn from each other. From some of the AMBW sites, it's interesting to read about AM or BW who say that they didn't know that they liked each other or in some cases, they've always wanted to date one and the groups gave them an opportunity to do so. In another case , one guy said that he haven't always been attracted to Black women,but he began dating one and have been dating them since.

    I know that some of those AMBW groups are no more than comedy blogs,but I know that there are also some sincere ones. Hopefully, that more Asian men will come around and know that not all Black women are bad people and that the both of them will come from those groups being more enlightened about each other.

  4. I think the problem with these groups in general is the expectation of joining them to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. I see this on the non-AM/BW and AM/BW groups. People go into those groups with an idea about meeting the "perfect" white/black/Asian person and are shocked when they realize just how assholey those white/black/Asians can be. Then they become jaded and upset. I've seen some pretty nasty breakups on these sites too. I've met Asian men online, but never through these sites, because they are such small communities, plus most of the guys are out of my age range anyway. I like the sites in theory, but I think more people just need to see the sites as a fun thing and not focus on finding their dream person from them.

  5. Hi ShaSha, this is me again from 11/4 7:21pm (I need to make an acct or something) I met my BF online at Plenty of Fish actually. I agree with you that joining an IR affinity group is not the best place to meet a guy, especially one that has a serious gender imbalance. Men who feel like they have tons of women to choose from but the women have few choices... those guys tend to get cocky and act up IME.

    I used to be a member of FWAAM, many many years ago... but I had to leave because there was just too much tomfoolery. I won't be going back to any of those sites.

  6. Shasha,

    I agree. I thought about joining meetup.com. Ironically, I'm primarily want to improve my French and Spanish skills. I have always liked learning about different cultures since I can remember. I've also thought about joining an AMBW meetup group,but I'm not looking for dating and/or marriage as I'm not interested in doing it at this time with no race of men. It would be to support them as I'm pro-IR. If I went to a meetup group and I just meet a good man who just happens to be Asian, that is all good,but like you said, I think the problem with some of these AMBW's groups/online groups. They tend not be very constructive and seemingly, too stereotypical

  7. @Joyful: Yeah some of the ego on those sites are pretty high and they're rarely checked on it. I'm assuming because for some it's better to have a few assholes then no guys at all.

    @M: Yeah I it's all about expectations. Going into those an online or offline group with the intent of meeting the person you're gonna marry will generally end poorly. I joined a few meetup groups ranging in language to sports to karaoke (though been to broke/lazy to do anything lately), and I went into them with the basic expectation of having fun. But I did meet guys as well. And when I didn't it was like, "oh well, at least I did have fun doing other things."