Dating Asian Guys 101: Initial Contact

31.3.12 ShaSha LaPerf 45 Comments

Man it's been quite a while since I've posted! It's been a long few weeks for me. I was sick earlier this week, then was dealing with some stress with work. Feeling much better now so I'm getting black to blogging.

So I've decided to write a series of blog posts about dating Asian men. Sorry, for the lame title, couldn't come up with anything witty. Yes I know I've been doing that already for the most part, but even I admit to being a bit vague and blasé sometimes when I write about it. And yes I know I'm not a relationship expert, a PUA, or even a wingwoman. I can fully understand any questioning my authority to write on such a topic--then again it seems you don't need to be an expert on anything to be declared a relationship expert nowadays (looking at you Patty Stanger and Steve Harvey). But I decided to write about for a few reasons.

Interracial dating is a big deal for a lot of people. Hell dating in general is a big deal for people. But it seems extra scary for some of those when we decide to step out out own racial pool and into another one. It's still amazing to me how easy it is to find some many blog post, Topix questions, or encounter women in everyday life that are still asking about Asian men and how to meet them, how to date them, etc. Our initial reaction is just to say "Men are men! Duh just talk to them like everyone else!" And I admit to having this attitude at time too. Indeed men are men, but there's still a fairly large gap in dating when it comes to black women and Asian men. But I figured what the hey and decided to humor a few folks with just giving some advice. #shrugs

I'm sure you're also wondering why I'm gearing this mostly at women and not the men as well. Well I thought about it for a while actually. I know it's not just black women Googling this stuff and have met Asian men asking some of the same questions as the women. Perhaps this is a bit of a cop-out, but the majority of what I'm writing is coming from my experience; those experience happen to be of me as a black woman and how Asian men have reacted to it.

So I like said above, this is going to be a series of posts. And I'm even breaking out my overpriced Wacom tablet to created images to go along with the posts. It's going to take me a while to get through these post because I want to put some thought into this. Please feel free to call me out on anything that doesn't sound write and any advice you have of your own (and helpful advice...stuff like "Asian guys don't date black women" will not fly on this blog, sorry). Anyway let's move on to Part One!

Finding Asian Men
When I wrote my 9 Responses to Complaints from Black Women Over Asian Men post ast year, I was vague when I stated that you can find Asian men all over the place While I do think that there are Asian men all over the place, I won't say that they are always easy to find. So here I'll give some more specific suggestion on finding Asian men.

Attending professional events, and conferences.
Professional happy hours are a great way to meet people. And it's surprisingly easy to slip into a conversation with a group of people. You don't always have to speak up about things but making yourself visible and being interested in what people have to say can always help. And there's more than happy hours. Some professional groups like to do other cool things like scavenger hunts, sports, karaoke, etc. If you have some traveling money why not go to a conference? Again it's a good way to meet new people, not to mention to benefits to your own career.

Take you ass to colleges/universities and later go to alumni events.
For the younger ones, study your ass off for the SAT/ACT, get some scholarships and take your butt to college! It's a pretty great place to meet an Asian guy. They're on big campuses, little campuses, even HBCUs--stop laughing there are Asians that attend HBCUs. Unfortunately college is much like high school in the sense that it gets very cliche very fast, but not all Asians are roaming around in big packs together. And like professional events Alumni events are loading with all kinds of people from many different years. You may run into someone you saw on campus once or twice and now you can get their full attention.

Check out Culturally Related Events.
Earlier I mentioned the cherry blossom festival in DC as a way to meet Asian men. I'll have to say that when it comes to the actuall street fair, you may not find a lot of single guys roaming around; it's mostly families, couples, and a few friends. However the cherry blossom events actually stretch over a few weeks with a lot of events--some that are completely free. Many cities have Asian embassies that also have events as well, you can try looking into those. And also keep in mind that you don't have to just attend Asian events to meet guys. There are Asian guys that do go all kinds of events from book fairs to carribbean festivals. Basically, get you ass out the house!

Try Something New.
So you've gone to all the professional happy hours and all the summer festivals and not an Asian guy in site. Well hey, sometimes you can meet people in the most random places doing the most random things. Find a groupon for a tennis lesson. You're a shitty artists but it doesn't matter, take an art class anyway. You can be daring and try speed dating.

There's Always The Internet.
I wrote about that a while ago so I'm being lazy here. Just read this:
The Wacky World of Blasian Love and Online Dating Sites

Okay, this is probably a "I'm really, really desperate!" thing here. LOL if you're super desperate, you can check the 2010 Census information to find out where are the Asian men are living. Generally I don't recommend anyone just up and move someplace where maybe they think they'll do better in the dating field. It's fucking expensive to move, you have to find new friends, get used to new locations, make sure you have a job, etc. But if you truly feel like your life where you're living now is going nowhere, then it's always an option. Please be prepared for doing such a thing do though and do some research.

Of course I'm giving all these suggestions, but make sure you keep your expectations in check, especially when it comes to going to events and what not. Choose something you already have an interest in doing and put more focus on having fun as opposed to meeting a man. That should be secondary. Sometimes an event might not be popping, but don't give up on all events as a result. Just try a new one instead.

Talking to Asian Men
So finding Asian guys is just the first step, but there has to be some, you know, actual conversation with them. This brings up the big debate over who should be making the moves: men or women? I hear both black women and Asian men complaining about the lack of approach coming from either side. Women are complaining that men aren't stepping up to the plate while some guys want women to take the lead.
Personally, I think it depends on who notices who first. Sometimes people are genuinely oblivious and may not notice you checking them out right off the bat. So I don't think there's anything wrong with putting yourself into their line of sight, joining in on their conversation (but make sure it's a "open" conversation so you're not just plain old butting in), or actually just saying "hi" and introducing yourself. I would apply this logic online as well. In many cases people don't know you're looking at there profile and hoping that they'll spend time to go through the "See who's checking you out" section can be futile. Before you approach make sure you have something to actually talk about though and that he looks open enough to approach. What I mean by the latter is if he's furiously texting and cursing, that probably isn't a good time to walk up and ask him about the weather.


But I can't say that the ladies should always expect to make the first move. A cute Asian guy could start the conversation while you're sitting next to him on the bus. Or on the elevator, or while you're waiting for a drink order at a happy hour. He probably has the same fears you had about approaching, but was able to get over them to chat it up with you. So really both situations are plausible.

But once the conversation gets rolling, and you're feeling this guy, keep it rolling. It's important to remain calm. If you're too shy to tell him you think he's hot (LOL honestly I'd be impressed at any women that can do that since I don't have the boobs myself to do that), just keep the conversation light. Just stick with the standard questions, like "What do you like to do?" and the like. A good conversation will flow naturally and won't feel forced.

I know it's a tired idea, but seriously be confident!  Confidence doesn't mean you have to be the loudest one in the bunch or the one who talks the most or uses the biggest gestures. Just having the right body language can make you standout. This article gives some pretty good tips on how to show your confidence without really even talking: Non-Verbal Communication

What Not To Say To Asian Men
Just Like Some what I wrote to Asian Men about what they should refrain from saying to black women, black women can also think carefully before saying some things. Here are a few things that might not go over so well for people:

1. What are You/Where Are You From?
I already wrote about this but TL;DR: many people see it offensive to ask this ype of question. It "others" them and can imply that they are "foreign" even if their family has been here for generations. And "What Are You?" means you barely think of them as human! Of course not all people have an issues discussing their race/ethnicity, but I would suggest letting them bring it up first. Also, avoid guessing games our just outright assuming their ethnicity. It's just rude and tacky.

2. I love (enter "cool" Asian thing here)!
I'm going to get into this little later on, but I'll give a short version here. I know you mean these things because you want to impress him by how much you now about Asian culture, but be cautious about this. Don't assume he likes these things too because of his race/ethnicity. Guess what? A whole slew of Asian guys are fully aware of the non-Asian Asian pop culture freaks and some of them will completely shut down as soon as they hear these things. Yes it's possible to like these things and date Asian guys, but there are ways this can slip into a conversation later, not when you're still learning his first and last name.

3. Can you teach me (enter Asian language here)?
See above. I'm sure some of y'all have fantasies of hot student teacher role play sex, but unless he's specifically a teacher or offering to teach you a language, don't ask.

4. I'm not the typical black girl.
It's like when Asian guys brag about not being the typical Asian guy. What the heck is a "typical black girl?" You're assuming that he knows what this means and that he has a very limited idea of black women. And it can lead into a awkward conversation with you explain to him  what it means, and making yourself look like a damn fool.

5. Do you like black girls?
Like I said about men asking this questions, it can just lead to awkward conversation and can potentially make you look insecure. I understand that you want to know right off the bat--what's the point of going after a guy who's not attracted to black girls right? But really the question should be "do you like me" (in you head...get to know him before asking this). Because a lot of guys aren't as overt as others about their dating preferences and some of them may not even realize they have an interest in black women until meeting you. So let the focus be on you specifically and not black women in general. Well unless he comes out and says shit like, "yeah I don't like black girls but you're hot" then that's when you excuse yourself to "get a drink" and take your ass home.

Dealing With Embarrassing Situations
There may be some moments that the conversation can get awkward. Maybe you slip out the fact that you speak Korean, and he's confused since he just told you he was Filipino. In your head you're thinking, "shit does he think I think he's Korean even though he isn't? I fucked up!" Or maybe you spill some of your drink, or sneeze, or call him by the wrong name. There's nothing wrong with being embarrassed about any of these situations. However try to stay calm and keep the tears and "dammit I messed up" moments for later. Make light of the incident and let him join in on the fun. Hey could it ever start a hilarious conversation about embarrassing moments for the two of you. Don't go overboard with it though, no need to bring up whatever the incident is every five minutes. And don't let him continue to bring it up either.

The Rejection or The Acceptance
So you finally decided to go out, and sure enough you meet an Asian men. The conversation is going great. Now all that's needed is to get those digits. Wow do people still say that, LOL. Anyway, This is like the who should approach who argument: should ask for contact info and who should call? I'm not gonna lie, I don't have a clue of how you should handle this situation. Sometimes people ask for contact info in the middle of the conversation, or sometimes at the end. There don't seem to be set rules for it. I think if there's an obvious spark between the two of you then go ahead and ask for info. He's probably thinking the same thing as well. Or he might beat you to it. Let's say there's no spark--he likes you but you're not feeling him. You might see him as friend material but not date material or you might be thinking it won't work out at all. If you still choose to exchange info, just make sure you don't lead him on. You don't need to blurt out, "hey I don't wanna date you...just saying," but subtlety mentioned that you're glad to make a new FRIEND or something.

But sometimes it's the other way around. You're the one that's into him, but for whatever reason he's not feeling you. He might not even want to exchange info at all. And of course that can make you feel ikt shit and get you down. Try not to let this happen. Not everything will work out in your favor. He just wasn't the right one for you. I suggest chalking it up to general experiences with talking to men and not to spend anytime wondering what's wrong with you that he didn't like you (or what's wrong with him for that matter).

I wanted to add more to this post but it's pretty long as it is. So I'm stopping here. I'll cover a few more things next time around.


  1. lol @ "Why did you bring your Big Bang poster". I'm love this series so far. I decided to join the dating scene again while I'm here in S.Korea. I don't have much dating experience in general since I started REALLY late in the game (embarrassed to say when), plus I kinda went on a long hiatus pretty soon after starting lol. So, I'm looking forward to the rest of the series for some help with dating in general!

    1. There's nothing wrong with a late start! I definitely had my gaps for various reasons from me being too busy to me just not finding guys I wanted to date. Dating in a different country is an interesting experience as you'll have to deal a lot more with their cultural dating standards (if they exists). I have friends living in SK right now that really haven't dated much. :( LOL but they've been too been traveling in and out of Korea to think about men.

    2. Thanks for sharing the information here. It is helpful. I have always wonder about other culture since I am creole from New Orleans, La. Thanks again :-)

  2. the Stick Figure pictures!!! This was a really cute article.

  3. Love your post. Sadly, my problem isn't finding the men or knowing where to go. My problem is I'm super, duper, uuper shy. I'd love it if you had advice for someone like me, lol.

    But your post was in no way lame and advice is always appreciated.

  4. As general as this statement is and that I have made from time to time, I will say that if something is meant to be , it will be. I just don't say that just to get somebody off my back, but in my life, I've learned that it's about them being the best man for you.

    That is how I see relationships and men.First, if it is meant for me to be in a relationship or to me married, it will happen. Secondly, when it comes to,men I don't put one's background in it. I know that I have came on on this website saying that Ive been attracted to men of other cultural/racial backgrounds, I don't limit myself. It's about finding the best man. If he happens to be Asian, Black ,White etc, it's all good. I've learned that when your eyes are not open to other people, you may end up being with guys that don't always fit how you see them. I had to learn that hard way. Though this situation was about racial/culture, I end up being with a man who wasn't what I thought he was supposed to be.

    A couple of weeks ago, I met an Asian man from South Asia. and I met him at a shopping center in a mostly White community. He will be the fourth Asian man that have approached me. In the past, I have been approached by a Filipino and the rest were from South Asian countries. With the exception of meeting one in an industrial park, most of them I've met in Black or White communities. Really, you can meet the man of your dreams anywhere even in the least expected spots.

    I was reading the part about non-Blacks attending HBCU's and you're more than right that they do go there. I think that is one of the biggest myths when it come to them. I know that when I've visited Clark-Atlanta University, I've seen Arabs going there. Several years back, there was a Japanese girl who was curious about Black culture, graduated from there and who can forget that White guy who graduated from Morehouse?I know that with the Morehouse School Of Medicine, I've seen more of them going there.

    I've never dated inter-racially,but I have inter-culturally ,but even with that I've learned that you will always be seen as an oddball to some people. Can I date/marry an Asian man? I can't say what I will/will not do,but I so know that if it's meant for me to be with him or any other race of men, the door will be opened and the good lord will give me the wisdom ans strength to handle the possible racism that could come for me being in it. I've had crushes on several Asian men. I had a puppy love crush on my friend's Vietnamese brother and on a more serious note, I had a huge crush on my aunt's Chinese-American physical therapist. He was plenty hot, and back then, I also had a thing for older men( I was 20 and he was a 30 year old guy who just graduated from college) I was just hoping that he would turn a part of his attention to me and that we would be married in a year... lol! It didn't happen, I accepted that it wasn't meant to be,but he was a really nice guy which made me even more attracted to him.

    As of now, I'm not interested of relationships/marriage,but if it's meant for me to be in wither one of those unions, my doors will always be open to men from all backgrounds.

    1. "As general as this statement is and that I have made from time to time, I will say that if something is meant to be , it will be."

      That's a really good point to keep in mind. While I think if people want to meet others they need to put in some effort, but you also can't force anything. Actually I think meeting guys is the EASY part...finding the right one for you is a much more complicated task.

      I worked for a scholarship program in the DC area and quite a few of the Asian students applying but down Howard as a school a choice along with other schools. To them it wasn't a big deal that it was an HBCU, but a good university that was in the area.

    2. I really love the honesty in your comment M. Its really refreshing to see. I usually avoid Blasian sites like the plague. I don't know-- The energy just feels off to me sometimes. The "How do you approach an Asian guy?" question gets old real fast. You approach them the same way you would approach any other man. Their not from another Planet.

      I've dated interracially once. He was Filipino. We were friends before we became romantically involved. After two years I called it off. I wasn't getting what I wanted from the relationship, so I bounced.

      I'm from New York (Born and Raised in Harlem) And I've been approached by a few Asian guys. One sent his friend over which I wasn't feeling. I guess I'm old school. I do like alpha-male types who take the lead.

      I have to admit I can be a bit lazy in the dating department. I think one of the reasons I haven't ventured outside of my race is because of fear. I tell myself being with a black man is just easier. I have a few girlfriends who dated/married to Asian men and they were treated horribly by their families.I'm a real emotional/sensitive person. Like M said, I would have to ask the creator for strength to deal with any racism that comes my way.

      I've thrown in towel when it comes to dating (I'm divorced)lol! But I love reading the perspectives of other black women when it comes to dating.

  5. Haha, I love the Big Bang picture. That was funny! I know of some people who assume just because the person is Asian that they will know about practically every anime, musician, Asian related movie and so on, when in fact most of the time that don't. For example, I have a male friend in Japan who enjoys anime as I do, but tells me that I am more knowledgeable in anime than he is, because he isn't aware of a lot various anime.

    Besides that, I do agree that people should assume that they would know anime every thing in relation to what I just mentioned.

    I really liked reading this post and think that you gave some very good tips! I have the same problem as @Nicolea, that being very shy. My confidence in approaching the opposite gender is very low, and this is all due to my shyness. Lately, I've been trying to overcome it, but it can be kind of hard for me.

    I've spoken to a few Asian men online, but it's very limited for me in my state and I've only encountered one Asian guy at my college some years ago, and during the time he was much older than I was. In all honesty, I don't have much dating experience. Most of my dating has been online T^T and I haven't had the chance to meet anyone of them. As far as my real life outside the online world, my relationships have been nonexistent.

    Anyways, great post! I can't wait to see the future entries in regards to this. :)

  6. HA the big bang poster thing is cute, but luckily for me I live like 10 minutes from a Korean town near a H-Mart(yay me)
    Living near Asians really does get the whole ''all Koreans should look like k-pop stars'' out of my head. I have only seen a few cute Korean guys and the rest aren't so easy on the eyes.

    Sadly, the only time someone has said some of the ''things not to say to Asian guys'' is when I use to hang out with the only black girls in a predominately white school.

    I appreciate the advice though! Going to have to learn how to walk in heels and remember just because I hear someone speak Japanese doesn't mean I'm back in Japan.

  7. Ugh. So slow to replying.

    Hey shy folks, I see ya! I'm sure it's not just you all that have these type of issues, and I'd like to address it on a broader scale then in the reply section, LOL might get lengthy. So stay tuned!

  8. LOL! I can't stop laughing at the Big Bang poster picture. But seriously, I really like this article. I work in a huge teaching hospital, and you trip over Asian guys all the time. So this article has some nice reminders.

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  10. Good advice and cute pictures.

    Funny that I'm interested in Asian cultures but never had Asian friends/boyfriends. I went to 2 uni, worked and I'm not asocial, just a nice introvert (not really shy).

    I'll try to go out more yeah, it's spring after all, and I need some fresh air/new social interactions more often anyway.

    I also agree with M on broadening our horizons in dating and not forcing things. I'm not looking for an Asian guy, actually I'm not even looking for a boyfriend currently lol but if I meet someone, as a friend or more, I'll be glad, regardless of his ethnic background :) I tend to talk to guys in a friendly way and look romantically disinterested, getting to know them as an individual simply, the problem is flirting (and doing more approaching/initiating conversation too), hmmm...I'll try to work on that. I think that talking about Asian stuff or asking an Asian guy you barely know what ethnicity he is indeed awkward, I would feel the same as them if a (non black) guy approached me saying "hey, I love [insert some Caribbean music]" or greeted me in creole or some African language...yeah.

  11. Thanks for sharing your experience! Some people are just so judgemental and racist that they forget that in love, no race or nationality could separate a couple. Just as long as their love is pure.

  12. That was so great, and i think that some asian men are so like that but is was appreciated for me but some are not. for me is that the guy must the first to initiate to get her contact or info. But sometime women go first but its OK for me, don't bring the "Big Bang poster" LOL. :)

  13. That's a great and witty article! Really liked your pictures. It's some sound advice given that interracial relationships are a lot more common these days.

  14. love comes within the inside and race has totally nothing to do with it...

  15. For me, it doesn't matter if the guy I'm dating with is an Asian guy or whatsoever race he is. If you really love that someone where he came from or what race he belong it doesn't matter. Love conquers all it does not envy nor boast!

  16. I really like your post. You seem to put everything that is helpful suggestions for black girls/ asian guy relationship dating. I truly support your efforts and cause. I am a chinese male 23yo dating a 30yo black female in New York City. This is my 2nd relationship dating a black female consecutively. Regardless of whatever race your significant other is, you should truly appreciate that person

  17. Many people have the belief that because some Black girls may be too aggressive, a relationship with an Asian man will only result in a squashed banana.

    But linking back to the past, Asians and Blacks in America have both gone through poverty at some point in time. Both of us have lived through cramped houses, shared beds, and food stamps (my family included). So in terms of family values, both of our cultures know the importance of hard work, saving money, and keeping close to your family.

  18. 你认识的那个亚洲人是那国人啊??
    Which country is the dude that you're dating from?

  19. Nice article , i think if a person is really serious she or he will disregard the race and the religion of that person.He or she will accept it .

  20. I was not open to interacially dating until I moved to Japan. I really thought no other race of men found black women attractive. I kept getting asked out so much I decided to try it. I went out on dates with Japanese, Italian, Indian and White men. I ended up with a Sri Lankan man that I am currently married to. Did not have to date him for 10 years for him to marry me. He is swest, kind hearted, family oriented, respectful, has never raised his hand, do not curse at me and has genuine love love for me. Women dont just limit yourself to one group explore, non sexually, other races of men. I am disappointed other black women are not succeeding at a higher rate at successfully finding a good mate. Move out of America or go study abroad. Many men would love the opportunity black women but cant due to the lack of black women traveling.

  21. Love the article .... great humour and funny pictures!
    Thank you!

  22. Haha, the drawings are so cute and this is such nice advice as well ^^

    I really need the TIME to go to Language Exchanges in my Uni and the ones near me because I know that's the reason I need to find a guy. I need to also be a bit more confident talking to people and approaching a guy in order to start a conversation. I don't necessarily want to meet someone through the internet but it may happen...maybe?

    By the way, would you have the time to read and comment on this article? It involves interviews with Japanese men on dating and foreigners! I’d be very grateful!

  23. Omg yes. Please people, make some more Blasian/mixed babies (aka some more me's). I get tired of being told "I shouldn't exist" and "my parents should've kept to their own kinds" and all that stupid crap. Seriously, people have the nerve to say that to my face. I think interracial love needs to be more accepted. And I completely agree: I really want to pull my hair out when people ask "what" I am. Or when my hair is touched or pulled. Or if someone asks if I'm wearing a wig or a weave. Or just automatically assuming I'm Thai or what-have-you. Basically, racial comments just shouldn't be brought up, because then it looks like it's a serious matter, and that's the number one way of making someone feel like they're just a piece of meat, in my opinion. When I was in high school, the Asian clique always tried to suck me in just because I'm half. The first question they asked was if I was Asian. They never talked to any other race. So freaking annoying. Just don't doo ittt.

    1. That's the sound of jealousy. My son is biracial and has been questioned on his parents. Luckily he can hold his own most of the time but admits it just annoying now.
      Ignore the stupid and take pride in the fact your parents believes in their bond/love.
      I'm sure there are people in your corner and love you for who you are.

  24. Big Bang, yes sort of defines lots of things about Asians :))
    Ladies, I am Swiss-born Asian male in mid-60s so pls allow me to offer some facts about Asians (male or female).Asians from China, Korea, Japan, Southeast Asia,due to culture and tradition do not marry outside of their ethnic group (let alone outside of their given nationality).
    Also the sad thing is that LOVE in the western or judaeo-christian sense is of little importance when marriage is concerned.
    Of course for Asians living outside of their home countries, they are exposed to other cultural/tradition and mores;so some have dated/married outside of their ethnic group, but statistically it is a small number compared to other ethnic groups.A higher number of Asian women date/marry White men, and likewise for White women dating/marrying Black/African men.
    These statistics do offer some hard facts which need not be discussed.
    I myself tried dating Black women in my teens in Wash DC, but it was in the mid-1960s at a time when Black girls did not want to be seen dating Asian boys. My son dated a west african girl in his college days for a couple of years but she returned home and that was the end of their love story.
    Bottomline is that Asian men have a serious handicap and negative views concerning dating outside of their ethnic group, but in this millenium, times/views are changing and there are many who would go against the tide (of their Asian family mores).
    Anyway I hope many of you ladies will find nice Asian guys and marry to live HEA :))

  25. Ok first I want to ShaSha, this was a very interesting and humerous post. I really enjoyed everything about it especially the drawing of the embarrassing moment. That is why I stick with my That being said I think Tommyit makes a good point about the cultures and so many stepping out of their cultural expectations. Not a lot but more than before. I think the main thing women need to remember is to be themselves no matter the nationality because if they try to be shy, quiet and soft spoken when they are normally lively, loud and boisterous it's going to come out later. If that's not who hot delectable Asian male isnlooking for you'll loose him based on the deception anyway. I have a friend that I hit it off with instantly because I was fun, outspoken and unique in all things that are me and he liked it even when others didn't. Or was it the age gap? Hmmm whatever we like it so who cares what they Happy hunting ladies and good luck.

  26. im actually very happy to no im not the only black girl that love and has an asian crush

  27. I would like to say first we all come from somewhere other than america, and I have been a delegated dater all my life it's not about the culture but the person, and their are certainly exceptions to every rule, but that's life. I have always been intriuged with other cultres and how people live and when you get right down to it were all the same we do the same things, just in different way, my point to this response is, Im head over heels in love with a wonderful guy from Sri Lanka and the feelings are mutal we are planning a life together and he is younger who cares he's more mature then any guys I have been with( outside of my deceased husband)he adores me, which is in his favor lol he's sexy, funny, intellingent, ambitous and loves his parents, and no he wasnt short changed, if any thing he can spare some dollars to others ,you girls get me, so this sweet virgin boy waited to give his all( and I do mean all) to me because I was what he was searching for and yes I do speak sinhala now which helps with communication with his parents soon a new member will join the clan and we cant wait to meet our beautiful brown skinned baby, with hopes for one more, blessed are those whom GOD smiles upon, there are more than just African Black men in the world and I have found my brown sugar forever!

    1. Interesting responses. I have a friend whom i met while working on a global assignment. He is Chinese American and our professional assignment took us to over 10 countries where we had to audit divisions of our corporations. This assignment brought us close together as friends but no romantic relations. Over 10 years have passed and he is now divorced so we keep in contact via phone, Facebook, and email. He confided in me concerning his divorce ( divorced about now 8 or 9 years). We now live within the same state, different cities, and he has invited mover several times and cooked wonderful gourmet dinners and treats me with much care and respect. Last time I had dinner with him he took me by his brothers home who lives in his neighborhood. His sister lives across the street from him but I have not met her family. I like some of the others on this blog am not use to dating anyone. So my question is how do we know if he is interested beyond friendship? In other words Black men appear to be more forth coming with their interest in words and actions. Are Asian men more conservative with how they treat women. I do believe as some of the other ladies that people are all unique and you can not label them simply by their racer culture. This man was a pleasure to work with, a gentleman to travel with and after knowing him 10 years as a friend living in different states our conversations have been free flowing and we can chat about his or my personal issues as well as our personal accomplishments. African American men says that he is interested just has not verbalized it. I do not know enough Chinese Americans to ask what they think. But he is the kindest, caring man that can cook any type food and sets his table in excellence for the two of us. He makes certain he opens my car door, put my seat belt on, and simply calls and says we have not had dinner for a while: your wish is my command. Well, I am becoming attractive to him, but too shy to ask. I dont know if his personal family culture is very conservative or if it could be his Chinese culture. He has made it clear that he cherishes our friendship. Lost in this relationship.

  28. Many Asian and White men are very open to having sex with Black women. Often, the more attractive the Black woman is, by international or interracial standards, the more attracted Asian and White men are likely to be. An international or interracial standard, is a kind of human baseline, where any MIXED group of different races would agree that a particualar person is attractive. This is often based on being physically fit, healthy, and not having any obvious defects.

    If they are sexually healthy men, there will be a natural attraction. The excessive fear about if a Asian or White man will like a Black woman, is often based on the insecurities of the Black women. Even a very racist Asian or White man, can still be sexually attracted to a Black woman.

    Racism and Ugly

    The exception to blocking attraction, can be excessive racist beliefs or if the other person is ugly. This is where it can get confusing.

    A Black woman should be honest with herself about her attractiveness. You know that you won't be rated high on the scale if your are fat, sloppy, have bad hygiene, and dress poorly. That goes for any race.

    If a White or Asian person is foolishly racist, you can tell by their body language or having a conversation with them. Often racist, that try to hide how they are, will give themselves away in a conversation about politics, intelligence, or how their family treates othe ethnic groups.

    Black women, when meeting ignorant racist, should just move on. You can try to educate them, but don't expect anything after that. However, the mistake some Black women make is automatically assuming all or most Asian and White men are racist. You can't usually assume somebody is racist, you need to observe and check first.

  29. awww this is the cutest blog i've ever read. and this is coming from a gay asian boy. keep up the cuteness!

  30. haha! Greetings from south-east Asia (Singapore), rather cute blog you got here. As an Asian guy I think you got the guide down quite well. But why not encourage enthusiasts to step out of their comfort zone and travel in ASIA - thailand, phillipines, indonesia and malaysia are all wonderful places with a low cost of living (and having fun) too.

    1. Mark,

      I really love your suggestion. I have actually had the opportunity of living in Korea and I loved living in Asia. I am actually looking to go back really soon. I didn't have a chance to see other parts of Southeast Asia like the places you mentioned. I love to travel and I have a fond attraction to Asian Men. I think everyone should think outside the box and take that chance for one time in their life.

  31. Very interesting article on how one must be open and take a leap into the unknown esp with black women and asian men. As a female of Caribbean decent, I am very open to a wide variety of various cultures. Lately, I caught the korean fever from spending countless hours watching kdramas on tv. I suddenly feel like I would go to Korea to live. But then again the same thing happen when I was into Africans movies. Here in Canada I don't see any asian men with black women. They are either white are asian. This means am out of luck. I've been single for years but I don't let that affected my life plan. It's sad to say, but I have conditioned myself to be single for the ROML.

  32. I agree with you about dating Asian guys. However, some Asian guys are lacking of confidence when dating with girls. Really.

  33. If you have always dreamed of seeing the world, but can’t seem to find anybody to travel with you, you can look into and get yourself a travel companion at the destination that you plan on going to instead. Everybody loves meeting new people, so you should find comfort in knowing that whatever is attracting you to exotic people will be the exact same reasons that they will become attracted to you in the end. so I checked and I liked it really, whatever your interests, you'll find a potential partner with the same ones ;)

  34. I don't think moving to another state is desperate. Desperate is really only when you meet once and the person then never leaves you alone and tries to convince you that they are the "one" and you don't need to look further. You are willing to lower your standards to get anyone, even if he is not the Asian man you want but as long as he is Asian. Sometimes, you have to move and I don't know too many people moving just to find an Asian man. Especially if you don't have any money or hate the place, you know? That is not wise. However, I do agree with the rest of the advice given here. To be honest, I never was interested in dating other races than my own (black) until I went to college. Now, I love Asian men! I have no idea how that happened, I moved to Connecticut for school and have befriended a few Asian men. I am not currently dating because I am busy in medical school. But, I will keep thinking about your advice when I have time to date. You are on point! Thank you :).

  35. A lot great insights and comments on here. It is kind of odd how there are relatively few Blasian couples out there and this should definitely be much more apart of the scene, hopefully nowadays and into the future.

  36. ShaSha, thank you for this blog! I am an African American female and although while in the military I dated outside the lines, the dating scene and approach is a bit different and cautious. I have been on the dating hiatus (getting my degrees as an excuse) but have felt ready to "get out there again" and your tips are encouraging. OBTW, I found out about you through a Google search which led me to the Huffington Post article by Josie Pickens starlighting your blog. Again, thanks!

  37. You've got some great info on here and 90% of it is spot on. My hubby found me funny enough. Definitely not what I expected and we learn more about each other everyday.