The Adventures of Shen and ShaSha: Battle Royale

27.6.12 ShaSha LaPerf 4 Comments

So most of the time when I write about me and Shen I keep it on the lighter side. I haven't written too much about us lately because...well we're a pretty boring couple, especially recently. It's just been work, or lately being sick. Ugh this thing is finally starting to go away! Anyway we are planning on leaving town soon to go to a friend's wedding, but other than that, not much going on but everyday life between two people that really, really, love each other.

Now that I've gotten the cheesier stuff out the way, it's time to rant. Not everything is always roses between me and Shen. So far we haven't had any really crazy arguments (knock on wood), but we've had some tense moments in our relationship.

One of the things Shen and I probably argue about the most is...keeping the apartment clean. I'm not a total neatfreak, but since our place is small, I try to keep it neat and tidy. It doesn't take much stuff for things to make our place look really cluttered. However Shen is much more lax on this issue. We often get into arguments about who's going to clean the bathroom or who will wash the dishes. Pretty mundane stuff right? Unfortunately the we're both stubborn and can be passive aggressive towards each other on these issues. So a small argument over who's turn it is to clean the bathroom and when it should be clean can result into us not talking to each other for a day or two. Of course we get over things quickly...until it's time to clean the bathroom again, LOL.

We also get into battles over who does the most work when it comes to dinner time. Generally I'm the person that figures out the recipes for the week and cook them, while Shen washes and cuts any veggies we need. This is pretty much a daily thing between us:

"You make me do everything!"
"Whatever, I'm the one who's cooking."
"I'm the one who's cutting and washing dishes."
"You use more dishes than I do! I don't drink coffee! And why do you keep leaving the damn kitchen light on!?"

Outside of those shallow arguments, we do get into debates over more serious issues like race, gender, class, and what not. And this is probably we're were really see the similarities and differences in our lives growing up. Shen got his education in a great school district while mind came from a probably one of the worst in the country. So often our veiws about schools in terms of teachers, charter schools, the "important" classes and the like clash. We try not to play Oppression Olympics with each other in terms of Asians and Blacks, but I think we've had gone into it a few times.

Finally we discuss our kids. LOL, after we get over the debate about whether we should have kids or get a dog and a cat, we do get into deeper conversations about spanking, being "Tiger" parents, raising spoiled brats, what languages would be the most important for them to learn, all kinds of stuff. Ivy League vs. a good puclic university, etc. Of course these conversations usually end up with us saying something completely random about raising kids like, "Either way that kid better be good at sports or math because we're not paying for college." LOL we both definitely agree on this.

So the arguments are never really anthing major. We do have quirks that probably annoy each other. For example, because of my work, I'm usually sitting at a desktop with a 23' inch monitor. And even though it's a fairly larger monitor, it bugs me when Shen decides to read over my shoulder. Actually it bugs me when anyone does this, it's just fucking rude. So I've snapped at him on a few occasions for doing it. Sometimes he does it while I'm writing--often a blog post--and his presence distracts me do much that it forces me to stop writing. Then I snap at him again.

For Shen, he hates the fact that I like to watch TV in bed. I'm a bit of a night persons so it can take me a long time to fall asleep. So I'll turn on the TV and watch Snapped or Scorned: Love Kills or any other crazy show about wives killing their husbands. LOL well he actually hates that I watch those shows too. But he tends to fall asleep before me and gets annoyed that the TV is on. One day he got bugged enough to go sleep on the couch, muttering along the way. LOL that night I did turn the TV off.

When we have these issues, we usually try to be more mindful of each other. shen knows that he'll get me doing a full turn around in my chair and glare at him if he's trying to read over my shoulder, and I'll either stay in the living room to watch TV or try to go to sleep at the same time as him, so we can both keep the peace.

Good he's on the phone now, I'm going to post this blog before he starts trying to read over my shoulder.


  1. I can understand both of your concerns and it's good that you guys are getting out in the open now than latter.Hopefully you two will come to a compromise to something if it ever come to that.

    With some things I also would consider the feelings of the child. I was thinking about something when you talked about the Tiger Mom. I hope that once you and Shen become parents that he will not be the Tiger dad. Funny thing is that a lot of people in her women Chinese American community didn't like what she said. I just read some of her book and I'm like how did her daughters survive those ordeals.You can raise your kids to be the best and the brightest by encouraging them to do more. I would NEVER raise my children up that woman did. For some, it has caused them some real mental health and physical health issues. I also wouldn't want my kids to hate me later for it( though her daughters are more appreciative about what she did. They had even griped a little about it)

    When my kid gets older, I would let them choose their path into the colleges , career paths and lives they want to lead. What a parent may see as the "best" for their kids, may not be the best to them. I came from a Christian background,but if my child want to be Muslim, Jewish, Amish or even secular, I would respect his/her religious choices as long is they are leading a lawful ,productive life. I would prefer if my kid went to a great college, got his degrees and get a great job,but our idea of a great life could be that of barber. I've come across one guy who had a great job working for a computer giant, traveling to Japan as part of jobs making 200,000 a year,but he wasn't happy with what he was doing. Know what he's doing now? working in a massage parlor, working for half his former pay..but he is just as happy as he want to be. I hope that my child would be a college graduate,but I would rather see my child happy being where he/she wants to be than to be something that isn't in their heart.

    Far as the other less serious things you mention here? You two will be alright. I admit, I'm not a neat freak either,but I struggle being the neat person I want to be. I live with my mom. She has one way of doing things while, I have another and then lets not forget about my nephews...geez! It's hard for me to be like that when you don't have people to coincide with you on that. If it's my room, I let nobody in because, I really don't feel like re cleaning it again. It may seem lazy,but that is me.

  2. I'm a major neat freak. I've been feeling pretty selfish lately so I'm kind of happy being single. After being married for almost 7 years I love living alone. I get to decorate my place the way I like!

    The two of you will be just fine. Life is about doing what you love. I know a lot of successful miserable people. I think success means different things to different people. You always write such wonderful posts!

  3. I, Grimlock, think that your adventures are adorable!

    While most of my friends find that fighting solves all problems, I appreciate that you and Shen don't let little problems get in the way of loving each other. And y'all talk about stuff, unlike a certain someone without patience who claims to be my boss.

    Both of you were fortunate to go to excellent public schools. I'm sure your future little ones will be creative, compassionate, and intelligent kids. I always encourage my friends to stick up for the little guy (and gal). They'll probably have longer arms than me, too.

  4. Ah, what a perfect post to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of leaving my ex-husband lol! The joy of being divorced is that you really really appreciate things like not picking someone's nasty sweaty socks off the couch for the 12th time that week, not having someone farting in the bed next to you and stinking up the place, not asking you to cook them something or have sex when you don't want to be bothered.

    Sure, I get lonely sometimes, but having my OWN place, my OWN bathroom, my OWN time... ahh... nothing beats it.