Dating Asian Guys 101: Run Girl Run! Guys To Avoid

11.9.12 ShaSha LaPerf 27 Comments

Previous articles:

Dating Asian Guys 101: Initial Contact
Dating Asian Guys 101: Dating Asian Men and Loving Asian Pop Culture
Dating Asian Guys 101: The Matters of Shyness

Woohoo on to Part Four. Now I know in general I advocate for Asian men. Hey, they're all hot, funny, smart, and great guys right? Well actually that's not ture. A lot of them are fucking assholes. So I wanted to point out 5 particular types of guys with massive red flags that can give you serious headaches if you're around them too long. Now of course these types of guys aren't exclusive to Asian men. I'm pretty sure you can find them in any race. But you'd be amazed at the number of women who actually don't think that Asian men can be jerks and are genuinely shocked when they meet these guys. And the majority of these types also bother other people interested in AM/XF relationships since some of you can find discussions about them on message boards and the like. So I just wanted to take a look at the some of the most obnoxious guys and why you should get the hell outta dodge when you come in contact with them. Now some of these types I'm sure I have covered before, but hey, some things just need to be said over again.

So here are five types of guys you need to watch out for (beautiful art included):

Nick The Nice Guy



The Nice Guy. Now being a "Nice Guy" isn't really an Asian man thing, but it is a common discussion when it comes to dating them. You'll find several threads on Asian men related boards of men lamenting being the nice guy. Or it's on other boards where someone isn't interested in Asian men for being "too nice." Even Stuff Asian People Like wrote a short article about Asian men being Nice Guys. Some blame this stigma falling on Asian men due to stereotypes of them being weak, effeminate, and/or passive. Others say these traits are a part of Asian culture, so it doesn't fly as well when you're say, living in America. I've encountered the Asian Nice Guy on a few occasions...and well...I can't stand them. And by the way I'm not talking about the nice guy that opens the door for you or picks up something you dropped on the floor. I'm  talking about Nice Guys. So what's the difference between the two? Well for one nice guys never call themselves "Nice Guys" especially not with a negative connotation behind it. The typical Nice Guy is a dick who thinks that putting women on a pedestal or being her doormat is the way to her heart. He can't function unless he knows her opinion on everything, he can't think for himself. He's clingy, always in her space. He's too scared to admit their feelings for her, get upset when she falls for the so-called "bad boy." He'll comfort her later when the bad boy breaks her heart, but it's not because he feels bad for her. Oh no, he's doing it because he hopes that this will lead her to notice him instead.

Run Girl Run! Nice Guys often have a sense of entitlement, thinking girls should fall at their feet because they're so "nice." But man, do they become ugly bitter assholes the second you're not on board with their "niceness." They suddenly are going on rants about how all women are bitches and blah, blah, blah. Nice Guys often fail to notice that women in general are attracted to men with confidence, something with the alleged bad boy exudes. By the way this isn't just a bad boy trait, but Nice Guys are too busy being ready to jump on women for not wanting to lick their balls. Nice Guys can't understand that he's being a needy fucker and slips into "woe-is-me" mode and gives up on everything rather that looking for a well-adjusted girl. Or worst, YOU become the "Nice Girl," ally to the Nice Guy, who watches him go after these "idiot women" only to come complaining to you about how it didn't work out. Either way, do you really want to deal with the neediness of these guys? Seems like a serious waste of energy there. Keep it moving.


Sang-ho the Student




So y'all know how I constantly rag on girls who are obsessed with Asian culture and bug asian guys about it? Well there's a fair amount of Asian men with similar attitudes. These guys just love the idea of a foreign girl, British, Jamaica, American, Australian, French. They want to know everything about your culture. So they ask...and ask...and ask...and ask. Next thing you know, you're grading his essays about the American revolution. But when it comes time to learn just a bit about his own culture, he's too busy, or just not interested in talking about it. Then there's are the thugabees who are looking for you to be his HBCU professor on all things black, but I've already given them enough crap too, LOL.

Run Girl Run! There's nothing wrong with learning and sharing from one another. But the key thing...learning and sharing. You spend a little time helping him with his English and he spends a little time helping you with you Tagalog. One-sided conversations can get very tiring very fast and you'll probably just find yourself annoyed with all the questions all the time and wondering if he actually liked you or just looks at you as the teacher he can fuck. Besides Google translates things into a billion languages, tell him to look it up. Keep it moving.



Po the PUA



PUA or Pick-Up Artists have been around for quite some time, but recently the ideas of PUA have been gained a small following in the Asian male community. It's not difficult to find sites and blogs of self-proclaimed Asian ones, using all kinds of tricks to nab a girl. Mots of the time these guys go for white women, but a few have set their eyes on women of color as well. Many PUAs are former Nice Guys who were tired of being Nice Guys. In their eyes they see themselves as simply increasing their confidence and becoming more comfortable around girls. However, in building their own confidence, they'll quickly find ways to undermine yours giving you backhanded compliments in the hopes that he's taken enough shots at your self esteem that you'll want his number. Or they'll uses a few words and actions to try to manipulate you. PUAs mostly work their "magic" in clubs and bars but on sometimes they'll branch out to the girl sitting on the bus or the one walking to class.

Run Girl Run! These guys are probably the easiest ones to spot and watch out for since they generally tend to "work" in bars and clubs. I'll say first off there's nothing wrong with having game or being confident. After all there are tons of article aimed at girls about flirting right? LOL hey, I'm doing some too! But a real conversation with these guys will probably reveal a few things. These guys may geta ton of numbers and even bang someone every now and then, but how many healthy relationships have they had? Better yet, do they actually want one? Remember that I mentioned that a few of these guys are ex-Nice Guys, so it wouldn't be surprising to find some other deep-rooted issues there. Keep it moving.



Ryouma the Race Barrier Guy



Initially I had this guy marked as a "racist," but wasn't interested in dealing with a troll war in the comments (LOL though I suspect my PUA comments may bring out some teeth). Anyway, these are the typical "I'm not racists but, I don't like black girls" guys. Beyonce and Rihanna, oh yeah they love those ladies. You--the attainable black woman--not so much. He'll have a million reasons why from, "my parents won't let me date them" to "well this black girl I knew a while ago was a bitch" to the meaner, "I don't like those nappy broads." So...why do you still think this guy is cute?

Run Girl Run! Sigh. Ladies, be it because of race, height, hair color, tattoes, how your shit smells, don't waste time trying to convince a guy to date you. If we just stick to race, sorry, but this guy needs to work out these issues himself. And don't fall for the, "well I would date you but...you're black" line either. The "I would date you" may give you a glimmer of hope, but really it's just another assholey excuse. Keep it moving.



Ando the Asian Gangster

No, I'm not talking about thugabees, I'm talking about these guys:



LOL that video is hilarious to me. No need to draw a pic for this one. Yeah, sure they're probably cute and have awesome bodies. But these mofos can be vain as shit. And their hair is probably more loaded with products that a black chick that just got her hair did. He also parties every Saturday night, getting wasted most nights. His flirting tactics are probably similar to a PUA except his confidence is probably much more genuine. He's arrogance as shit, but that's also part of his "charm."

Run Girl Run! There's really only one word to describe these guys: dwat (douche + twat). Keep it moving.



Alright that's enough for now. Just remember that assholes do come in all forms. so remember to get over the "OMG He's cute and he's Asian!" mode to start spotting the red flags. Of course these are somewhat exaggerated, but these guys in some form do exist and are just itching to give you a headache. Of course there are a few things to remember:

Don't assume that every Asian guy you encounter be it through friendship or more will immediately fall into these categories. There are plenty of well-adjusted Asian guys out there, it's just unfortunate that there wasn't a radar created to find them, LOL. I think a good bit of conversation can give you a sense of a guy, but give it a good bit of conversation before writing him off.


DO NOT become any female version of these guys! Don't Be The Nice Girl, that just means that Nice Guy will bitch to you about the other girl he wants even though you clearly like him. Don't be the girl asking him a question about teh Asias every two seconds. I'm sure men out there find female version of these guy to be equally unlikable.

Ugh, not so sure why it took me to so long to get update my site. I'm hoping to get back to posting more consistently soon!

27 comments:

  1. Made a slight change to the comment section. Was getting too much spam coming in through here. >_<

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  2. Hey Shasha, been reading your blog for a little while now and it's pretty good and true haha. Being a Chinese guy, I sometimes have the nice guy mentality, but I feel that it's more because I don't know how to approach chicks rather than being the clingy type. I'm probably seen as the nice guy before you get to know me, but afterwards, my true character shows. Believe me, I've encountered most of those types of guys myself in life and I could easily imagine why women would find them annoying. That's all I really wanted to say, but keep up the good entries!

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    1. Hi Anon! Woohoo a guy posting, LOL! What do you think is your biggest challenge when it comes to dealing with women? I definitely think there's pressure on guys when it comes to such things because it is still expected of them to do the approaching (though I encourage the ladies to do the same...go after what you want people!!!). I feel like the Nice Guy route on the surface seems like a good idea, but it can also be the fastest way to land yourself in the dreaded friend zone. And the frustration and bitterness of landing in that position can get to you. No one wants that to happen! Remember to be a nice guy and NOT a Nice Guy.

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    2. Sorry for the late response, but i guess the biggest obstacle is being comfortable in my own skin; literally and figuratively. Like you said, men are assumed the role as the approachers and is becoming harder in this day age. Let me explain. Although I'm only going to be 23 this year, I've always got the impression that "back in the day" getting to know someone didn't always mean necessarily getting in their pants. Nowadays, I feel that when a woman is approached by a guy, the chick will quickly brush the guy off if he doesn't meet her definition of an ideal man. This might sound like "Nice Guy" territory, but the social expectations of what an asian guy ought to be immediately turns (some of course not all) women of non-asian decent off. Hell, even some asian-american women will steer clear due to the desire to avoid being associated with that. It's ironic because as America becomes more of a melting pot, there are actually more biases and hostilities towards interracial couples that aren't "normal" ie: ambw. When people think of interracial, (in the Western world) thoughts of different woman mingling with white men are more accepted. Anyone who thinks differently must have really diverse friends (which is awesome!-my good Indian friend goes out with a Korean chick) or simply refuses to understand the dynamics of modern America. Sorry for being a little political but like The Dramatics' song, "Whatcha See is Whatcha Get." Like African-American women that have tendincies for Asian men because of the anime and kpop culture, I like Black women (never got the chance to get close with one unfortunately) because of my love of oldschool soul/disco and GOOD hip hop(going to a minority filled middle school in san fran helped too). Don't get me wrong, I'm very open to meet people of any ethnicity though and try my best not to be a bigot towards any culture. Haha and I'm not a "thugabee," just your average asian guy lol. dam that was alot more than I intended to write but o wells. Hopefully I didn't come off in the wrong way (end up in any of your categories) rofl! Thanks for listening:)

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    3. Hey Anon, it's okay with the late reply. I think I'm the queen on responding things late. I hope you don't mind, but I would like to respond to this in a blog post. I think there are some interesting points that are easier for me to elaborate on when I get to toss things into the blogger post format, LOL.

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    4. Nice, hope to read that post soon!

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  3. Oh my I couldn't stop laughing at this post, it was far too funny. I'm glad you've posted something new and long, seems like forever. I think the only type I was surprised by was the nice guy mentality; but after giving it some thought it makes sense. guys do tend to go from one extreme to the next, just like women.
    Can't wait for your next entry :)

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    1. Yeah, I'm trying to be more regular with this blog. It just took me forever to figure out the right way to write this article. LOL originally this was a full blown rant on Nice Guys, what I have there is much nicer than what I was going to originally say.

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  4. I was laughing at the title for your topic of discussion.With the guys you're talking about,I would be glad to do it.

    Wherever you discuss topics like this,some women really don't want to hear about Asian men having dark sides to them.I had this to happen to me when I attempted to talk with one girl about it.From Kpop to the guys,if you said anything that seemed remotely negative(truthful) about it,she would try to bless you out for it no matter how many facts was in her face. This girl was on the borderline of being delusional.

    If an Asian man has a preference for a woman that's ok,but why be bigoted about it?the excuse about mom really makes me laugh.There is nothing with being obedient to your folks as we all should be,but not to the point where they dictate their relationship. I'm sorry,but no matter how much they may want to justify it, its a racist excuse that is asinine and juvenile.
    If they don't want to date you,they should have never messed with you in the first place.I would respect men who are simple and honest about me.Just tell me that you're not interested in me as a person.To add all of the racist excuses with their reasonings not only makes them look bad,but make me lose respect for them.

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    1. I pretty much shut down on any guy that gave me those excuses. There was one guy where I didn't, but it wasn't something he said initially compared to some other guys. I feel like it's like the student thing. It's not my job to try to convince you to date a black women, period. For the most part I try to refrain from that type of ideology on my blog as well, keeping my focus on people who are already interested in AM/BW relationships. Because it's something someone needs to figure out on their own. If he misses out, he misses out. If he wants to not date me because of my race, it's one less thing I have to worry about in life. #shrugs

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  5. It has been such a long time since I have read ant of my favorite bloggers that I follow, but I am back now! This was a really good post. I noticed that there are a lot of women who don't realize that men are men and Asian men or no different than any other guy. I have had my share of speak with Asian guys, but one guy in particular can be slightly...jerky. While talking to him on the phone, he is very sweet and fun to talk to. However, all of that changes once we text. He turns into someone completely different. Extremely, perverted and can be quite the jerk and say hurtful things to me. Rather he realizes it or not (which I am sure he does, since I have mentioned it once), he does not show that he cares. It is even double the affect since I am a virgin, which shows all he really cared about was "it" more so than really wanting to get to know me, lol.

    I have also gotten guys who flirted with me and seemed interested, but then it turns out they were only talking to me so I could teach them English. I don't mind helping teaching English, but to lead someone on like that was hurtful for me.

    I definitely have to watch out for these types of guys! Thanks for your advice. :)

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    1. "I noticed that there are a lot of women who don't realize that men are men and Asian men or no different than any other guy."

      It's funny, there are tons of women that watch J- and K-dramas which are loaded with asshole-y Asian guys yet it still doesn't occur to them that even in real life assholes can be Asian!

      Ugh, the English thing is really obnoxious. It happened to me a few times while I was in Japan. And still happens to me with Mixi online. And sometimes it's hard to spot as a lot of people won't initially tell you they are solely seeking an English partner. >:(




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  6. Ah, yes. The Asian D-bag guy! I recently commented on another blog with similar, yet lengthier and more detailed, examples. I caught some flak for that, but I was getting super tired of dealing with jerks. I hadn't had a steady BF since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about a year ago. Dating jerk after jerk (all Asian) was really wearing me out. I was getting bitter, I'll admit.

    And now.... just to inform the ladies (and men) on here... I have a new boyfriend who is really great! He's from Japan, very funny, sweet, considerate, smart and hot! My girlfriends are tired of hearing me gush about him lol so I have to do it on here. We spend most of our time together holding hands, snuggling and gazing into each other's eyes! Now I feel so thrilled and excited about our relationship, even if we are nauseatingly lovey-dovey all over campus lol.

    Come to think of it, we are a walking billboard for AMBW. It's pretty hard to continue to believe AMBW couples don't exist when the two of us are hugged up, giggling and rubbing noses everyplace. It's hard for people to think he only wants me for "one thing" when he is gently caressing my face and planting soft kisses on my forehead! <3 <3 <3 <3 Some random people have even said "Awwww!!" when they saw us together, cuz we are just so happy to be together. (I know some could say it's "othering" us but I think it's just due to us being the cutest couple ever!!!!!) /gushing

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    1. Glad to hear things are working out for you! So much PDA! Shen and I are still pretty awkward about it. We are getting better at holding hands in public, but only for like a second or two, LOL.

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    2. Oh congrats to you and your new love. All this love..my,my. Just got through coming from a Japanese festival. All of those guys. I promised myself that I was going to steer clear of dating for a while,but looking at all of that hotness around the center was a welcome temptation. I left that alone because Im not a cougar. The archery demonstrator didn't look to bad( looked to be in his 50's,but with Asians, they tend not to age much so he could have been older for all I know). I was going to get some archery lessons,( the guy wasn't the reason that I wanted to learn. I find archery to be a fascinating sport.),but I was afraid of losing my seat during the Aikido demonstration( Have to get in there quick or you will not get in..at least there will be looking at it through he auditorium doors.)

      I agree with you about AMBW's. They have existed for a mighty long time, it's just that media won't focus on it like other couples. One thing that I've seen from the festival is a whole lot of mixed couples being there. Yes, there were plenty of Black/White couples( in this case, Black women /White men)or Asian women/White men,but I've also seen at least 3 AMBW's there. There were a little bit more last year than this year. There was a Aikido Karate show and the teacher has a multicultural Karate club. You pretty much get what it's about..kids who are Japanese-American,but of mixed ancestry or just mixed race in general.One of the girls was Blasian and I believe that her mom was Black.( could be wrong)
      I know that I've gone to school and seen a couple on my former campus. Even with me, I'm part Asian.(My late grandfather was Indian and my late great grandma was a Black woman.

      People may not want to believe that AMBW's in this world,but there are and they may as well accept this fact as more of them are becoming more prevalent.

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  7. I have a question.
    So when I was in high school I remember there was this Asian guy I was in band with and we had two classes together. In those classes he always talked to me and was around me when he knew others too. If we had food then we always shared and he always wanted to listen to music with me on my ipod. (*yea i knw, so childish) I could have sworn that Asian boy liked me but he always said racist black jokes to me.
    What kind of guy is that?

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    1. I would tag him under the race barrier guy, but perhaps under Jake the Jackass. :P If he constantly said racist things, he sounds like one of those guys that doesn't see you as "black." Basically you didn't fit his typical idea of what a black person was and to him that made it okay for him to say things to you (and maybe even expect you to agree with what he was saying). And these are the first guys to pull the, "but I'm not racist, I have black friends!" line on you. These guys are always a super red flag because it seriously makes me question bringing him around relatives, black friends, or even how he would respond if the we have kids and that kid has more of a "black" side than an "Asian" one. That's not to say that his interest in you wasn't genuine though. Unfortunately way too many people do have this attitude when it comes to IR dating and think it's perfectly okay when it's not. >_<

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    2. Take Shasha's advice,by looking at the three little words that she wrote of her topic of discussion..Run girl run..from this loser far away as you can. A guy like that not only lack respect for you,but for the Black community as well.

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  8. Oh Shalai, I have also seen guys like that... they come in all races, too. Black women get such bad press that lots of guys struggle to overcome that when they develop feelings for a specific black girl. Run girl run indeed!

    Thanks for the congrats, ladies. I will be seeing my boo in a couple hours but first I gotta make him some of my famous banana cake. He's gotten so spoiled!

    About PDA I was surprised that he was soooo comfortable with it, since they don't really do that in Japan. But he simply cannot keep his hands to himself lol! He has only been here a few years, most of which was spent at work in the lab, but he has picked up that PDA is ok here and he is taking FULL advantage :)

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  9. Excellent post!! You are full of incredible advice, and I'm always grateful!! I always learn a lot and, if you're curious, the guy that I was chatting with turned out to be a douche... red flags definitely exist.

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    1. Well it's better to find out someone is a douche earlier than later, LOL!

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  10. hahah, great post. Ahh, the nice guy. And the student. I have encountered both here in Korea, and have been left confused as to why the connection just doesn't seem to be working. (Maybe my problem is that my main way of meeting Korean guys is through language exchange.) Now it all makes sense.

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  11. I see Ando the Asian Gangsters on a regular basis out here. After reading this I can no longer keep a straight face when I see them.

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  12. Hey, ShaSha, I stumbled across you blog, now I'm a young black girl and I've been getting to know this really HOT Asian guy and he seems nice. but I don't know if I should tell him how I feel and what to do if he pulls the "I like you, but you're black" card. thanks

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  13. Hi, great blog! I am all for Asian men and Black women marrying each other. This will certainly make them happy and help equalize power relationships in the US. I think black women and asian men make great couples.

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  14. I am in a interracial marriage BM/AW. I am the AW by the way. There should be another type of guy, the one that will date a woman of color but thinks it's degrading if an AW is with a BM. My sisters bf told me that when my husband and I were dating but then he went to say that he would date a BW. I was like whaaaaaa? I don't get it. How come an AM can date whomever he wants but wants AW to only date and marry exclusively AM? That makes no sense to me whatsoever. Being an Asian woman I hate how Asian men think they are automatically entitled to an Asian woman, like we are their property smh. Also another thing about the Asian men I've seen are the ones that man whore around but wants a virginal wife lol.

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  15. So what category would a personal trainer fall under ? :p I'm talking to a guy who is really into his looks and quite confident but I can't really place him...

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