The Adventures of Shen and ShaSha: No Wedding Dress for ShaSha?

23.4.13 ShaSha LaPerf 8 Comments

I was writing another blog post, but I decided to switch things up a bit to talk about me and Shen. It's been a while since I've talked about us and a few things going on. Usually when I talk about us, it's in general terms and less about our day-to-day lives. So this time I wanted to try that out.

So as you all know Shen and I got engaged in February. And I wanted to give you all the upcoming wedding details!

There are none, LOL.

Well, I can't say we're totally clueless there are some things that we're about 80% sure will happen.

First is the wedding date. Initially we'd decided that it would be better to get married next year, though neither of us really had a reason why we wanted to wait so long. So we're now thinking about moving it up to this October since that would mark the third year of our relationship. And we haven't told anyone this yet.

Shen and I are seriously considering forgoing the traditional wedding to have a courthouse wedding. Quite frankly, the idea of having a wedding freaks me out. Note I didn't say the idea of marriage, but the idea of a wedding. Even before Shen, I thought about the idea of being married and I wanted to get married, but I had a really hard time picturing myself walking down the aisle and all that jazz. I've been in a few weddings including the one in Chicago last year. I enjoyed the weddings, but didn't feel any kind of way of dealing with these things myself.

Buying a dress, finding a chapel (Shen and I aren't particularly religious so a church is out), sending out invitations...I'm really not interested in doing any of that. I was hoping that if I looked at wedding magazines and websites it would get me excited, but all I saw was debt, debt, debt. The average couple last year spent about $28k on a wedding! >_< It's not just the money that's on my mind, it's also the amount of stress we'd have to deal with. Another issues is the logistics of getting our families together. Shen's family is here and my family is in Michigan. We have a lot of family members that are too broke to travel to either location, or can't take a trip for other reasons. At first we did consider trying to have two ceremonies, but I felt like one of use would turn Hulk-rage trying to deal with the details about it. So the smaller the better. Shen and I are perfectly happy with the idea of heading to the courthouse with our parents and a friend or two, getting married in a cute little outfit, and having dinner at a nice restaurant.

So like I said, we haven't really told anyone this plan yet and aren't sure of how people will react. My mom knows we're thinking about it, and she's fine with it. I've also mentioned it to a friend or two. They told me they don't care where it happens they still better be invited. I guess some people will be sad to see that we're not doing the engagement photos and announcements and all that stuff, but oh well. I have to admit I slacked on a few of my other friend's weddings and baby showers so I don't even know who I'd invite. LOL, but in my defense at least four of my friends got married the same year...and all had kids around the same time. I don't know if that shit was planned or a coincidence, but I had to so some serious picking and choosing because I wasn't gonna max out a credit card to go to everyone's weddings and showers!

Anyway, Maryland has a lot of really ugly courthouse, LOL. But we did find on that we're thinking would be perfect.

From American Townhalls blogger

That's the courthouse in Annapolis  Maryland. The exterior I think is really nice and they actually have a little chapel inside. We have a friend who is a photographer and we are considering asking him to take photos of us at the courthouse. Because even though I don't want the wedding, I would like to have some nice memories of the day. At first I thought it would be weird but it's actually something people do often.

I supposed the one reservation we have about the courthouse is you don't make appointments, so we could be sitting at the courthouse all day. And my mom isn't the type of person who'd want to sit there all day, LOL. So we would have to figure out the best time to get there so we wouldn't have to wait too long. And we still have to make sure we have the license and all those lovely things beforehand. But other than that, we're really on board with this idea.

And we are still thinking about taking a honeymoon trip too. Most likely to San Diego or New Orleans. Shen has lived in both places and love them, but I haven't been to either place yet. So the money we'd spend on a wedding would go to this trip as well as the house or conso we're hoping the buy by the end of the year. So we'd still hit a bit of debt, but hey, I'd rather the money go towards a place to live anyway. #shrugs

As we decide on more things, I'll keep you all updated. We might change our minds and get all wedding-y, but for now looks like that might now happen.


  1. If the courthouse is what you want, then you have my blessing. Like you, I'm not big into weddings and have openly mentioned eloping if that time ever comes. That only grew worse after participating in a friend's wedding last summer and hearing how much it cost (and it wasn't even THAT big!). So I'm fully on Team Courthouse!

  2. Wow, ShaSha! your scenario sounds like mine. My fiance is Japanese and we plan to get married at a courthouse in DC later in May. Like you, I was not open to the idea of an actual traditional wedding, in terms of the church, cost, and walking down the aisle bit. It was too much pomp and circumstance for my personality. And to come off of that much money for one day, or rather 20 minutes, just didn't seem worth it for our personal preference. His family is in Japan and I am sure would have made the trek. But, we wanted to get married quickly and quietly, so will be surrounded by my family, which will be his, also. The one difference I noted in our stories is the mom. It's great that your mom supports you. I love my mom, but we've had a long history of having a difference of opinion about my dating interracially. But, since it's my life and my choice, who I date isn't debatable. So, I'm not telling my mom until after the ceremony. Can't very well have her fasting and praying that I'm steered away from my man and towards a Black man, which she WILL do. lol! courthouse in DC.

    1. My mom wasn't so into to the idea when I first started dating Asian men. She would make a few comments here and there. But my mom also knows I'm stubborn and will probably do whatever I want anyway. I think it helps that she took a liking to Shen after she first met him and maybe felt then he would stick around and that was it. So she (and his mom for that matter) are okay with the idea of us getting married. She did offer to pay for some of the wedding stuff when we first told her we were getting married, but if that money went to helping us with a down payment on a house, I wouldn't be mad. :)

    2. It crazy how people will waste their lives worrying about the race of people !She can pray all she wants, but if its not about assuring is this man is for you or having a good marriage, then she should stop praying because the lord isn't against mixed marriages (love the one about Moses and Zipporah). He would be against her for harboring those racist views.

      I already know my folks attitude about mixed marriages and its been positive. Even if they didn't approve of it, I'll still marry him

  3. ShaSha,

    I agree with everyone else. Do what is going to make YOU AND SHEN happy! I see too many people who go all out for over the top weddings and be in debt until the kids are grown! Plus they try to outdo the last wedding so if someone had a kangaroo ringbearer then they have to have the unicorn sing the solo. I had a coworker years ago who got married in a courthouse. He told me how they rode his motorcycle down there and that was it. At the time they had been married for 26 years so it worked for them. I figure if I ever get the chance I would go that route or go to Vegas and get married by Elvis. I would wait until we had been married for years and then have a big wedding.

    Anonymous-I know what you mean about the fasting and praying you to a Black man! Do what is going to make you happy! As long as you are marrying the person because of WHO they are and not WHAT they are then its all good.

  4. I've very single but I've been thinking I'd prefer a court house wedding, pictures at a park, then dinner with less than 10 people. I'd just want simple dress, bouquet and small wedding cake. Wouldn't want to start a marriage with a ton of debt plus I don't like being the center of attention.

  5. Yay Team Courthouse! LOL. I somehow got on a mailing list and now I'm getting brochures every week about some fancy schmancy places in the area that do weddings and getting info on wedding bands cost more than my car is worth. After I got over the "who the heck still send postcards?" I just said, "no thanks" and tossed all that stuff into recycling.

    My boss at my old job got married at a courthouse and had a wedding/vow renewal type thing a year later. Maybe when Shen and I are all rich next year we'll do that. Permitting that we actually next year. ;)

  6. Just reading this post reminds me of the same thing my Susan and mom did with their weddings... went to the good OK courthouse.

    To be honest, I don't think that I want to have a pricey wedding.. just something simple and/or untraditional. Weird as this may sound, I'm also a little superstitious about pricey weddings. I had a cousin who had $10,000 wedding, but divorced 6th months later. I've known some people who married through the courts and stayed married forever.While strong marriages should have nothing do with where you marry, costs and sometimes, quality is the reason why I would opt to do it that way. I told you about another cousin who had a semi-expensive wedding where her 700 dollar wedding cake tasted like 7 cent cornbread(Not even as good as Jiffy

    Hmmmm.. that courthouse don't look that bad from the front. It looks colonial.Not bad. I would rather marry there than the courthouse near looks dead.. a really dreary place to see..It looks like a cross between a dreary office building and a jail. I rather marry from the outside of it because its a hip community.I did say I wanted an untraditional wedding and it would be because the indie crowd is near there.