日本FLASHBACK: Big City...Small World...

5.5.13 ShaSha LaPerf 7 Comments

I had forgotten all about this incident until I was reading one of my old diaries a few weeks ago. I still get all pissy when I think about the situation

This happened in my earlier days of living in Japan before Terri got there. I was still a bit scared to venture out and relied on the internet to meet people. That was actually how I'd met a Brazilian friend who I'm still in contact with.

So before I can really get into the meat of the story I have to explain this dude named Michi.

So like I said, Michi and I met online and we'd decided to meet up in Roppongi for a night of clubbing. in my early days of living in Japan, hung out in Roppongi because I knew it was foreigner friendly, and I hadn't know about other clubs then. Michi loved hanging out in Roppongi, so I figured he might have known of some cool clubs there and maybe either other people I could meet.

So we met at the station. Michi was average, but a seemingly cool guy. The club was pretty empty, but it was early. I've mentioned a few times that people in Japan don't go clubbing until midnight or later. Nevertheless, the music wasn't too bad and I was ready to dance, so I start dancing. Michi was standing next to me, half dancing, half looking around. I turn my head to the right, then to the left...and Michi is gone. I looked around for him. We'd come to the club together and normally when you go out with someone, you dance with them, talk to him, well at least hang out with them for longer than five minutes. Or at least mention when you're moving about. At some point Michi comes back and ask me if I was interested in going to another club. I was a bit annoyed with him, but give him another chance.

We ended up at another club which was more crowded. Michi and I were together again for another five minutes before he wandered off again without a word. This time I was like fuck it, do whatever you want. It's obvious to me he didn't want to be around me. I'm at the club I'm gonna have a good time one way or the other.

It's not long before another J-guy was in my face. I actually spent the rest of the time dancing and talking with him. When I was ready to head home, he walked me to the train station, and we exchanged numbers. I made my way to my train when I got a call from Michi asking me where I am. I asked him where he was. This fool had not only walked away from me, but actually left the club...for hours. When he came back, he noticed I was gone. At that point I really wasn't interested in talking to him again, so I told him I'm going home and end the conversation. I didn't hear from him again.

Until about three months later when Michi randomly sent me a text asking me if I could introduce him to some Western women. I was flabbergasted. This dude was an ass. He had the nerve to ask me to introduce him to people!? Please, I wouldn't have subjected any friends to him, even if I had know more single women. I deleted the text without replying.

So more time passed by and I met a Nigerian woman through MySpace named Chioma. Chioma lived in Yokohama which wasn't too far from me. I was excited to meet up with her since she would have been the first black woman I'd met in Japan. And I was interested in hearing someone else's take on the country, especially someone who wasn't from America. Chioma wasn't a teacher, an exchange student. We bonded pretty quickly over emails. We finally decided to meet up in Yokohama for lunch. Chioma said she would be bringing her boyfriend, and this wasn't a big deal to me.

Chioma and I met in Yokohama. Her boyfriend wasn't there yet, so we get to chatting and eating. I was seriously thinking Chioma and I could be pretty good friends. She liked shopping, spoke Japanese, loved to travel. The boyfriend finally showed up. He was a cute dude, also Nigerian. But I was surprised to see that he was not alone; there was a J-guy with him.

The guy introduces himself as Mitsuru. I feel like I know this guy from somewhere, but couldn't remember. Then it hit me. Fuckin Michi. The same dude who left me at the club and emailed me asking me to introduce him to other women. Apparently his full name was Mitsuru but he went by Michi as a nickname.

I was unsure of what to do at this point. I hadn't told Chioma about him since I had forgotten about him by then. I figured it would have made an awkward situation even more awkward if I'd mentioned that I knew who he was, especially with how things turned out. And Mitsuru hadn't mentioned that he knew me either. So I decided not to say anything, as if we'd never met before.

The four of us hung out a bit and talk. But I wasn't really clear on why Misturu was there. Or why Chioma hadn't mentioned that he would come along. In fact she'd called her boo before we got there, and din't mention then that he was bringing along a friend. But at the time I still didn't think too much of the situation.

Chioma wanted to go shopping, and we walked around the city. Chioma is all coupled up with her man. They were walking a few steps ahead of us, having their own conversations, leaving me and Mitsuru to talk amongst ourselves. Except I really wasn't interested in talking to him. In fact I was seriously considering bailing. At this point, I was pretty sure that Chioma was planning to set me up with Mistsuru. I never really asked how they knew each other, and wondering if the two crossed paths because Misturu wanted a non-Japanese woman. And Chioma, being taken, offered to set him up (or he'd asked her too). Chioma knew that I was open to dating Asian men, so I guess I was a good candidate for Misturu in her head.

I was still in the middle with deciding on whether or not I should leave when Mitsuru suddenly asks me if I remembered who he was. I sheepishly said something like, "I think so." Since we had gone this long not mentioning our previous encounter, I figured that had forgotten who I was or that maybe he just didn't want to talk about it. And I couldn't think fast enough to say anything else.

So he came at me with a "why didn't you respond back to me? I thought we had fun hanging out."

I'm pretty sure I gave him a look that said, "Are you serious asshole!?" And before I can respond, Chioma turned to us, after hearing a bit of the conversation. Mitusru explained to her that we went out before, but I'm clear that we only went to a club together, and that was it. Chioma and her guy didn't have much of a reaction outside of, "well that's interesting," before going back to their own thing.

That's when I decide it's time for me to go. And I'm on the next train back to home.

Chioma sent me an email the next day, just saying it was a funny coincidence that Mitsuru and I knew each other. I was not so amused. Anyway she invited me to hang out with the three of them again. She didn't explain why she had invited Michi along or apologized for it.

I declined.

That was the last time I talked to Mistsuru or Chioma. I was done with both of them.

Thinking about on this story, I probably would have handled it differently and (calmly) confronted Misturu and Chioma. But it's still amazing to me that the Tokyo/Yokohama area is loaded with people and I managed to run into the same asshole twice. LOL this wasn't the only time I ran into people I didn't want to, but that's another story. ;)


  1. Hi, I enjoyed reading your story about what had happened in the past. I can understand why you would respond this way plus you are trying to get to know people out there. Hopefully you'll be able to reconnect with Chioma one day.

    1. When I thought about the story I did consider trying to look her up on FB, but I never wrote down her last name now the city she lived in in Nigeria. I don't think she was in Japan for as long as I was. Although my tone in this post may seem a bit mad, I'm actually not mad at the situation itself anymore and just chalked it up to another case of "random shit I did in Japan."

    2. Thankfully, you didn't keep let that guy control you. It took me a while before I learned what it was. The last thing you want is for guys like him to think that you're angrily stuck on him. Its evidentthat you're far over from that jerk. You're doing way better with Shen.

    3. Sheesh, what a tool that guy was. Leaving you alone in the club while he trolled for more women, in what universe is that ok??

      Not that this is the best place to bring it up.... but I have been chewing over the concept of circular dating and how it is not really working for me to do that with Asian guys (from Asia). I've had to explain lately to several Japanese guys that just because I am casually dating a guy, that does NOT mean he is my boyfriend, and I might be casually dating 2-3 guys at once. This is normal, common, accepted best practices in the US. I'm not kissing any of these guys, let alone doing anything more intimate than that. Just going to dinner or for coffee, talking and getting to know each other before becoming exclusive (boyfriend/girlfriend status).

      This concept blows their minds and seems to leave a scent of hoe-ishness in the air when really it's not like that at all. It seems that I come as being a female Michi, when I'm really not. I just want to get to know a guy well before becoming his girlfriend.

      Recently I spent like 40 minutes explaining this concept to a Japanese PhD (not a fool by any stretch) and then told him I was dating a Korean guy. His response: "Oh, I didn't know you had a boyfriend." Face-palm. The concept just is not getting through!

      I don't know, I think I have to do something different. I'm not a kid, and I'm not going to claim a guy as my boyfriend right out the gate as appears to be quite common in Japan. Do any of you ladies have advice on how to manage the romantic interests of a few guys at once? Especially Japanese guys?
      I'll be moving to Japan in mid-March and I think I need some kind of strategies in place. I know how quick people are to label a woman as a slut with very little evidence. Especially because (just being honest here) I am a very beautiful woman with serious curves. Other women have their finger on the trigger to call me a slut just out of jealousy, and I don't want to give them ammunition to use against me.

    4. Hey joyful! Sorry to respond so late, have been able to touch the blog lately. I have a response, but it's long. It feels like there are a lot of questions here and I'd like to open the discussion up a bit more so it's not jammed into this section. Is it okay of I turn this into a blog post?

    5. Yeah, sure. I am open to any advice and suggestions at this point. Thanks.

  2. Icing on the cake... the aforementioned Korean guy broke it off with me because he saw me hanging out with the Japanese guy, and got jealous! #$%@!